How to keep emotions under control. How to control and manage your emotions What to do if you do not control your emotions

- this is integral part of human nature, they are what make us human, show that we have feelings.

Most importantly, they can determine how a person feels at the moment.

But not always an emotional expression is a plus. You need to be able to control your emotions and feelings. Let's find out how to do it.

An unemotional person: why is he like that? Learn about it from ours.

Ability to control yourself

Why doesn't everyone have the ability to control their emotions?

Every person has emotions and feelings. They are of two types: positive and negative.

But it is not always necessary to express them vehemently and vividly, even positive ones, not to mention the second kind. Sometimes it's inappropriate, this can be bad for relationships, work, etc.

Therefore, it is important to learn to control yourself and manage your emotions. But as practice shows, this is not so easy to do.

Not everyone can brag impeccable self-control and complete control over the situation. After all, we are all different and our reactions are also different. Not everyone can immediately pull themselves together and hide what they feel at the moment.

But you need to not only learn how to mask and restrain emotions, but also not to take it out on others.

To achieve a result, it is worth practicing special techniques that will help even someone who, as they say, has "it's written on the face".

Emotional regulation of behavior - what is it?

What is this concept in psychology?

Our emotions drive us to certain pattern of behavior.

Everyone has different emotions can manifest themselves in different ways, but the meaning remains the same.

This or that emotion will be similarly expressed in everyone. This is called a form of behavior.

Behavior regulation comes from emotions, but at the same time, it exists in opposition to those same emotions. All volitional acts are performed in spite of human emotions, all actions are done in spite of any feelings and sensations.

The lower the level of this self-regulation in a person, the more his emotions will take over him. That is, emotional regulation of behavior is the ability to control oneself, no matter what.

How to learn to restrain your emotions and feelings?

To learn to control your emotions and feelings, you need to master certain techniques that with regular training will give a positive result.

Anger considered the strongest human emotion, it destroys everything in its path. Anger destroys a person not only from the inside, but can also harm relationships with others.

But you can control your emotions if you know how.

Methods and techniques for self-regulation of the state

We are all human and we all have emotions. But sometimes these emotions are much make life difficult for us.

You can’t hold back your feelings all the time, the accumulation of negative emotions is fraught with bad consequences not only for health, but also for loved ones.

For example, if every time someone at work causes a continuous negative, it accumulates and one day the anger turns into real anger, which is not very good. Also, a person who is in constant tension, can break out on loved ones.

So that negative emotions do not greatly affect life, you need to learn to see them, and then live them wisely and let them go so that they do not carry anything bad in your life and are not displayed on relationships and health.

You can’t “swallow” everything that makes you unhappy, that. Therefore, it is important to learn self-regulation.

This will help certain methods that are aimed directly at ensuring that a person I learned to control my emotional state.

training

Now there is a wide variety of lectures, trainings and seminars which are aimed at self-regulation of the emotional state.

Such events are usually carried out by people who have a positive experience in this matter. Different trainings may have a different program, it all depends on the person who conducts it.

But they have one common goal- teach the audience to independently control their emotions, to manage them correctly.

Usually the training begins with an introduction, it can be a small lecture, voicing the main questions that need to be answered. Then everyone gets to know each other, introduce themselves, can even talk about their problem and how it interferes with their lives.

It is filled with various games, which will help people practice in controlling their emotional state.

During practice, all participants can be divided into several teams, if conditions so require.

Emotion management techniques

Some people find it very difficult to contain their emotions or even manage them properly. But you have to do it because not everyone likes excessive emotionality.

Often, people who find it difficult to control their emotions have a difficult time in a team, especially for those whose work is closely related to society.

This activity requires a lot of emotional input. But feelings are not always positive, so it is advisable to keep the extra negative to yourself and not demonstrate it.

How to control yourself at the right time?

At the level of the body

At the level of consciousness

The most effective way is to "pause the conversation." If there are feelings of irritation, anger, anger, etc., then the best option would be to simply ask to postpone the conversation for a while.

Thus, you can buy time for yourself to think things over carefully and find the right words.

Application of imagination

Techniques that use the imagination:

Our imagination is considered a pretty powerful weapon in the fight against the control of emotions, it gives unlimited space:

External control

There are situations when feelings just go wild and it becomes difficult to contain them.

If there is a piece of paper at hand, then you can tear it into small pieces, squeeze or crumple, in general, do what calms you.

If it is not possible to do this manipulation, then you can draw some abstract drawings in a notebook, while trying to apply pressure on the pen / pencil as much as possible. Just try to do it as discreetly as possible for your interlocutor.

Maybe, you can be comforted by what you love. For example, you can drink your favorite drink, eat a snack or listen to music. In general, do what makes you a little bit, which always does.

Exercises

During unpleasant situations, a person usually has “written on his face” his attitude to the circumstances.

It is known that emotional and physical state are interconnected. Therefore, it is worth controlling both.

If it is difficult to control your emotional state, then this can be easily learned. A number of special techniques and exercises will help each person to be more restrained in their emotions or vice versa to show them more.

How to learn to control emotions and not succumb to provocations:

Anger and irritation are among the most powerful, and, moreover, unpleasant emotions. How to learn to control ourselves when everything around seems to be only going on with the aim of driving us crazy? We can not always control our mood, and the state of other people, the events that take place do not depend on us. Irritation is a normal reaction to something that a person would not want to face.

It can be physiological, for example, the reaction of the skin to an unpleasant tissue, and emotional, when we are annoyed by someone's manner of speaking. How to learn to restrain our emotions when we are forced not to show our true feelings? Let's consider several ways.

Use deep breathing to overcome anger.

This will help to distract from strong emotions and will be the first step in returning to a normal track. After the most acute emotions subside, try not to think about the causes of irritation. Between the moment when you have recovered a little from the passions that overwhelm the soul and complete calm, there is a small buffer. During this time, angry thoughts may still return. Therefore, try not to be distracted by them and do breathing exercises and relaxation again.

For believers, a method such as prayer is suitable.

If you are in adverse circumstances, reading even the simplest prayers will quickly help you feel secure. You can learn your favorite prayer by heart in advance. Meditation can also serve as an alternative to prayer. However, it must be remembered that these spiritual practices still differ from each other.

Meditation is a technique aimed at calming the mind, detaching from the situation. It has a much greater effect when practiced for a long time. But focusing on something in a state of strong emotion also has a good effect. The mind switches, and negative thoughts gradually leave with it.

To contain your emotions, take your mind off your worries.

When feelings begin to manifest in all their power, it's time to turn on soothing music in your headphones or pay attention to some unfinished work project. You can pause and play your favorite computer game. Or call an old friend who always knew how to cheer you up. Humor is also a reliable way to remove negative emotions.

Work on developing willpower.

This quality will be useful to you in other areas of life. But in relation to control over the emotional state, it is simply irreplaceable. Eliminate the phrase "I can't" from your vocabulary. Whenever you encounter difficulties, say to yourself accusatory "I don't." By doing this every time, gradually you will be able to regain control over your own life. Including, over the experiences of anger and irritation.

Use emotions as additional motivators.

For example, if you feel angry about the incorrect behavior of an employee at work, turn your feelings to your own advantage. Instead of endlessly drowning in thoughts about the actions he performs, transfer the energy of your emotions to work on your skills and abilities. In a normal state, it is not easy to move from one place and start working on oneself, and the potential for negative emotions is so great that it will serve as a good impetus for development.

Steps

How to reset your mind and body

Notice when emotions get out of hand. The first step is to notice that there is a problem. Pay attention to the physical and mental sensations in such a situation in order to further recognize the symptoms. Use mindfulness, consciousness and rational thinking to "catch" the moment. By itself, the ability to recognize an emotion will only create a link to the present moment.

Start doing the opposite of what you are used to. Stop if you are reacting to a sharp emotion in a familiar way. Think about what happens if you try to do the opposite. How will the outcome change? If it becomes positive or productive, then opt for a new reaction.

Remove yourself from the situation that generates negative emotions. Sometimes the best solution is to just walk away and hide from the irritants. If the situation allows you to leave and not offend others, then it is better to do so.

For example, if you have been assigned to a work committee whose members are behaving loosely, such meetings may upset you. One way to solve the problem is to ask to be transferred to another committee.

How to communicate confidently and decisively

Express your feelings clearly and confidently. Learn how to express your feelings decisively, in order to give an outlet and control your emotions, but at the same time change an undesirable situation. It's okay to express your opinion or deny others things that make you uncomfortable or don't have time for, as long as you're polite and direct.
- For example, if a friend invites you to a party, you might say, “Thank you for remembering me! Alas, I do not like big companies, so this time I will refuse. Maybe we can go to a coffee shop together?” Let the feelings out so they don't sit inside and control you.
Speak in the first person to express your thoughts without blaming others. This way of communication allows you to express emotions and not blame or humiliate anyone. Before you say something accusatory or judgmental, stop and reformulate the sentence into an ordinary observation or your own opinion.
- For example, instead of saying: “You don’t care about me,” it’s better to say: “I was offended when you didn’t call me back, although you promised. What happened?
Invite others to express their point of view. Every situation is different. Invite others to share their thoughts to better understand their point of view and have an equal dialogue. You need to actively listen to keep yourself in control, control your emotions, and be in a mental state that will help you intelligently use other people's ideas.
- For example, when expressing your opinion, supplement it with the question: “What do you think?”
Don't use subjective words like "should" and "should". Such statements blame others and can cause feelings of irritation and anger because the situation is not going the way you would like. If you say “should”, “should” or similar words and phrases, then stop and remember that we are all not perfect. Accept the imperfection of the world and the current situation.
- For example, instead of thinking, “My partner should never hurt my feelings,” remind yourself that there is nothing personal about the situation. You both make mistakes from time to time.
- If you are being too hard on yourself, show kindness and compassion. For example, if thoughts like: “I should have prepared better. I will fail the exam,” then change them to the following: “I did my best and prepared as best as I could. Either way, everything will be fine.”

How to soothe yourself with the usual course of action

Exercise regularly to relax and let off steam. Do physical activities that include calming and repetitive activities (swim, walk, or run) to calm your mind and senses. You can also try yoga or Pilates to calm your thoughts with gentle stretching and breathing exercises.

Engage different senses in new ways to calm the body. Learn to notice beauty and discreetly admire the world around you for the sake of daily self-care. Your focus on gratitude and physical sensations will help you quickly pull yourself together in moments of stress or irritation. Experiment with different methods:

Use the soothing touch method. People need loving touch to feel happy. Positive touch releases oxytocin, a powerful hormone that improves mood, relieves stress, and enhances feelings of affection. Common types of soothing touch include:
- Put your hand on your heart. Feel your heart beat, your chest rise and fall, and heat radiate from your skin. Repeat nice words to yourself like, “I am worthy of love,” or “I am a good person.”
- Hug yourself. Cross your arms over your chest, place your palms on your shoulders and gently hug yourself. Repeat positive phrases like, “I love myself.”
- Grab your face with your palms, as if you were a child or a loved one, and then start stroking your face with your fingers. Repeat kind words to yourself like, “I am a wonderful and kind person.”
Practice meditation . Meditation is a great way to ease anxiety and depression and learn how to deal with stress. Regular mindfulness meditation helps control emotions. Sign up for a class, use online tutorials, or learn mindfulness meditation on your own at home.

Repeat self-affirmations and mantras to yourself. The main principle of mindfulness is the ability to accept your current feelings without resistance and evaluations. Easier said than done, but with practice, mindfulness meditation techniques will soon become your new “habits.” In a difficult situation, silently repeat phrases of support like the following:
- “Feelings are fleeting and these emotions will soon pass.”
- “My feelings and thoughts are not hard facts.”
- “I don’t have to be driven by my emotions.”
- “I’m fine, even though I feel uncomfortable.”
- “Emotions come and go, how many times has it already happened.”

How to achieve lasting peace

Seek to the root of emotional situations in order to solve the problem. If you often find it difficult to keep your emotions under control, then try to dig deeper and understand yourself. Knowing the root causes of emotional turmoil will help you decide how best to accept and deal with the situation.

Question attitudes and actions that are based on fear or irrationality. Information about the root causes of emotional upheavals allows you to counteract and even cope with some beliefs. Look at the situation from the outside and objectively evaluate negative beliefs like fear or inadequacy. What caused these toxic sensations? How can you deal with them?

Many people, regardless of gender, often enough can take over the mind. This usually happens in when it's not at all useful. It can be quite difficult to cope with oneself, especially if a person is by nature emotional and sensitive. Emotions are a complex and. directly affect the well-being, and well-being, in turn, affects thoughts. Learning to control your mind is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. In this article, we will figure out how to learn how to control your emotions and, relying on the psychology and knowledge of experienced professionals.

Pause

In stressful situations, you need to accustom yourself to pause. Do not overburden yourself with constant thoughts about what upset you. Such a process will not only not get rid of the problem, but will not allow you to look at it from a different angle.

It is imperative to take a break so that the streams of thoughts go in a different direction, more pleasant for. Can indulge in any of your hobbies: read an interesting or just an article on the Internet, watch a movie (positive, not dramatic) or funny, entertaining videos on YouTube.

In addition, you can have a delicious drink with or sweets, or chat with loved ones on abstract topics. Now it is important to distract yourself with positive and pleasant actions for yourself, which will allow you to leave you for a certain time.

Did you know? Nature has awarded man with 43 muscles that are responsible for facial expressions. They help to express a full range of emotions.

Watch your breath

Remember that emotions are a combination of physical reactions and thinking. responds first to physical stimuli, and then converts them into emotions. For example, if you remember the sensations that a person experiences during, then it will definitely be an increased heartbeat, dry mouth, etc. If you start to control your breathing, it becomes possible to resist such physiological reactions.

First of all, you need to find a place where there are no external ones. Being there should be comfortable. Slowly take a deep breath through your nose. In the process of filling the lungs with air, it is necessary to expand the chest. Then you need to hold your breath for a moment, and then also slowly exhale. Having made 6-10 such breaths and exhalations within one minute, you can noticeably improve your condition.

laugh

Advice at first glance may seem rather strange. It would seem, how can you force yourself if the problem overflows and it will be much easier. Despite this, the reception works very well. In almost every situation, you can find something silly, funny and funny. It is humor that will help a person at least a little to abstract from negative emotions, feel more comfortable, and also change their attitude towards emotions.

For example, if the cause of the upset is an accidental slip of the tongue during an important speech, then you should think of it not as a problem, but as a “fun glitch.”

If the stress was caused by resentment and anger at the boss, whom you mentally call "donkey", you can try to imagine your words literally bringing the situation to the point of absurdity. Imagine a donkey with a briefcase, wearing a suit, shirt and tie. This is strange, illogical, and somewhat stupid, but it will certainly amuse you and control your anger will be much easier.

Important! Humor is one of the most useful ways. This is due to the fact that funny words and objects require more work from the brain, as a result of which there are simply no resources left to process negative emotions.

Go in for sports

Another recommendation on how to learn to control your emotions and not be nervous is to do it. Many people who are actively engaged or just doing it notice an improvement in mood and a charge of vivacity for the whole day.

The fact is that during physical exertion, body starts to produce endorphins, and they, in turn, contribute to . Going in for sports, you can additionally set yourself some specific goal. For example, the number of kilometers that you want to overcome, or the number of approaches to .

Thus, having achieved the desired, it will be possible to increase your self-esteem. In case you think that active sports are not for you, you can just go to the park, or do some work in your garden, if there is one.

It is important that it is not a burden, you do not need to force yourself. During physical activity, the body temperature rises slightly, and this has a calming effect on the body of most people.

Important! If for a long time to imitate this or that emotion, a person will be seized by these feelings for real. This extends to both negative emotions (anger, disgust) and positive ones.

Work with imagination

During a quarrel, there may be a desire to raise your voice or even hit the opponent. The main reason for such negative manifestations is the accumulation of emotions within oneself. Play with your imagination. Imagine all the things you would like to say and do with the interlocutor in your head.

For example, if you are a woman and are very offended by your spouse, it is not at all necessary to be angry all day and be ready to pounce with claims on your husband as soon as he crosses the threshold. Play out the whole movie in your mind. What would you say to him, what would you hear in response? Imagine how you throw a crystal vase at him, it flies two centimeters from him, dodges.

Think through all the smallest details. So you can kill two birds with one stone. Firstly, mentally you will already throw out all your negativity on your spouse, and he will not suffer from this. Most likely, after that you will not want to quarrel with him "the second time" when he comes home. And secondly, imagining such an absurd situation in your head, you may just find it funny and the negativity that tortures you will come to naught.

Did you know? A person feels this or that emotion for a period of time from a fraction of a second to several minutes. Unfortunately, negative emotions can last much longer.

Another way to work with the imagination is to imagine that you are surrounded by an impenetrable fence, a wall. And all the negativity that is directed in your direction is broken, hitting this barrier. It does not matter how this wall will look and what material it will be made of.

Perhaps it will be transparent and airy. The main thing is that behind this wall you feel completely calm and safe. You can also imagine that you have a lightning rod, with the help of which you, like thunderstorms, divert any negative actions from yourself.

Write on paper

How quickly you can learn to control yourself and not get angry, and not be nervous for any reason, directly depends on whether you can identify your emotional stimuli. Everyone is different, and each person can be upset and upset for different reasons. First of all, you need to understand what exactly causes such unpleasant emotions in you.

Keeping a diary can help with this. There you need to not just write down that you are upset, but indicate the specific circumstances that upset you. What exactly happened? What did you feel at that particular moment? How did they react? Would you like to react differently? This order of keeping a diary will teach you to analyze your emotions and control them in the future.

In case you are offended by your loved one, try writing to him. Sending it, of course, is not at all necessary, but it is worth writing. Write down in as much detail as possible what exactly does not suit you, what upsets you, what would you like to change. Such an exercise will help you put your thoughts in order and release emotions outward, without harming either your loved ones or your body.

Those who like to draw can be recommended to throw out their feelings on paper. There you can draw everything that bothers you. Draw a funny caricature of the subject that annoys you. Draw circumstances that will relieve you of discontent and make you happy.

Follow your thoughts

A person's thoughts have a huge impact on his condition and well-being, so it is very important to follow them. Thinking constantly about problems and negative aspects, you can attract only negative emotions to yourself all your life.

As you can see, learning to restrain emotions is not so difficult. It is important to accept the existence of a problem and use at least some of the proposed methods to solve it.

The fair sex is by nature much more emotional than men. That is why it is quite difficult for them to control their emotions. This often prevents women from achieving harmony with the outside world, including in relationships with a loved one. But sometimes there are situations in life when control over feelings is simply necessary, but it is not possible to achieve the desired result. In this case, you need to think about how to learn to control your emotions.

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Emotion control is one of the most important aspects of human life. Everyday reality is impossible without certain psychological stress. And if you do not work on strengthening your psyche and do not learn to restrain the outburst of feelings, a person can become a hostage to his emotions.

World experts in the field of psychology have developed several simple rules that help a person control his emotional background:

1. Determine the causes of negative emotions. A splash of feelings on others cannot happen just like that, so it is necessary to analyze the situation and find an annoying factor. Perhaps the anger and negative reaction are caused by the behavior of others. In this case, you should talk with the object of irritation and try to find a common language.
2. Avoid stressful situations. Try not to do or say anything that might piss you off. Spend more time in a pleasant society, giving a charge of positive and allowing you not to be nervous in vain.
3. Don't do work you don't like. If the field of activity in which a person works causes only dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction, you should think about changing your profession.
4. Develop willpower. This quality will help you keep yourself under control. Instead of saying “I can’t” every time you get in trouble, you should repeat “I will.” Very soon, this phrase will become a habit and it will become much easier to manage your feelings.
5. Use auto-training techniques. Before throwing out your anger outward, you need to count to 10 or several times to take a deep breath. These exercises will relieve unnecessary stress and give you the opportunity to rethink your actions.
6. Pull back. At that moment, when feelings begin to take precedence over reason, it is necessary to divert consciousness to everyday actions. Listen to music, watch TV, do things you have long planned. This simple method will relieve excitement and allow you to calm down.
7. Go in for sports. Jogging in the morning or going to the gym will help to release negative energy, bring thoughts and feelings into harmony.

To get rid of excessive emotionality, you need to set yourself a life goal and systematically try to achieve it. Awareness of priority tasks is a good help in controlling negative feelings.

Emotions during pregnancy

During pregnancy, a woman becomes the most vulnerable and nervous. Emotions are running high. During this period, you need to try to be as calm and confident as possible. Do not take on unnecessary worries, try to ask for help from relatives and friends. The expectant mother must accept and understand her new condition.

Psychologists say that excessive irritability in pregnant women is a signal that you need to learn to relax. Every day you need to give yourself a rest from everyday worries, listen to calm music, read aloud or just lie on the bed.

Relationship with a loved one

Relationships with a boyfriend or husband often come to a standstill precisely because of excessive female emotionality. The inability to restrain one's feelings in time leads to a major scandal or even to leaving the family. By learning to control her anger and resentment, a woman will be able to successfully maintain relationships. To do this, you just need to follow a few recommendations:

1. Do not dramatize. The fair sex tends to exaggerate the significance of the situation and inflate their discontent to unprecedented proportions. In this case, you need to try to think positively: "He does not call me because he is busy, and not because he forgot about me," etc.
2. Analyze the situation. Shouting never solved anything, so before raising your voice to a loved one, you need to think about the negative consequences of such behavior.
3. Give vent to negativity. If a woman is so annoyed that she is ready to break loose on her husband, but at the same time understands that he is not to blame for anything, she can simply go to the next room and beat the pillow. This simple method will release negative energy and anger will go away as if it never existed. Many stores sell "anti-stress pillows" specifically designed for this purpose.

Irritation, indignation, anger are some of the most destructive feelings. All these sensations negatively affect health. Therefore, learning to control oneself in any situation is important not only for good mental, but also physical well-being.