The quality of sexual relations between a man and a woman largely determines the psychological climate and harmony in relationships in general. It has been proven that frequent misunderstandings and disagreements can be the result of a lack of sex, which women often refuse. In fact, the reluctance to have sexual intercourse among the fairer sex can be not just a whim, but the impact of certain reasons.
To find a solution to the problem of a woman's lack of sexual desire, you need to find exactly the reasons that led to this, and then eradicate them. Such issues are usually dealt with by narrow specialists, such as gynecologists, sex therapists, and even psychotherapists. In addition, there are a number of drugs and non-traditional methods that increase female libido and sexual activity.
What influences women's desire?
According to the latest statistics, approximately 40% of women around the world experience disorders in the functioning of the reproductive system. And most often this is manifested by a complete rejection of intimacy with a man and even aversion to sexual intercourse. The reasons for this may be:
- Hormonal imbalance The sex hormone testosterone is responsible for the level of libido in both sexes. In women, it decreases in the period after childbirth, and in men gradually after 30 years.
- Age changes- more often we are talking about the period before menopause or directly during it. In addition, this can be caused by the extinction of the ovaries, respectively, a decrease in the level of estrogen. Such changes lead to a decrease in the amount of lubrication, against which the sexual intercourse may not be so pleasant and even cause discomfort.
- Gynecological problems and other diseases- Other diseases can also lower the level of libido, for example, diabetes mellitus, cardiovascular pathologies, diseases of the pelvic organs, inflammation and infections of the genitourinary system, etc.
- vaginismus- a disease that is accompanied by strong contractions of the vagina, causing pain during intercourse. Such a rare and complex disease is caused by violence, psychological disorders, etc.
- Psychological factors of influence- we are talking about chronic fatigue, frequent stress and conflicts, an unfavorable climate in relationships with a man, lack of sleep and banal grievances. Sometimes the reason for the lack of desire to have sex in a woman may be the fear of pregnancy.
For reference! If a girl has no desire to have sex periodically or once, most likely, such problems are resolved on their own without the intervention of a specialist.
And only after identifying the reasons for the lack of libido and sexual desire in a woman, a specialist can choose the right methods of treatment and restoration of sexual functions. You can find out how to restore a woman's libido.
Letting the problem go by itself and not visiting a specialist is the most big mistake many women with low libido, as irregular sex life leads to other problems in the body.
What to do if the wife does not want sex?
Depending on the identified prerequisites, due to which a woman has no desire to have sex with her husband, the specialist selects the right course of therapy. Competent therapy can be as follows:
- Lack of desire in women on the background of low testosterone is accompanied by hormone therapy what the gynecologist prescribes. In this case, it is important to comply with the dosage and treatment regimen, since the irrational use of hormones is fraught with side effects.
- Psychological problems are eliminated by psychotherapy courses in the office of an experienced specialist, homeopathic remedies and antidepressants. According to leading psychotherapists, maximum benefit can only be achieved through complex drug therapy and psychotherapy sessions.
- Help sexopathologist. In addition to psychotherapy and drugs to restore the emotional background, a sex therapist can help a couple. This is appropriate in case of disharmony in relationships. You can increase libido with the help of certain games, lubricants and exciting lubricants, etc.
- Aphrodisiacs. For the level of libido, certain foods that are aphrodisiacs can be helpers. In addition to food, certain aromas are considered aphrodisiacs, as well as special preparations, for example, Spanish Fly or Silver Fox.
- Physical exercise. Such exercises help to increase the sensitivity of the genitals, the most effective are Kegel exercises.
Sometimes it is possible to restore libido only with an integrated approach, putting into practice all of the above methods of treatment.
If a woman lost desire after childbirth
After childbirth, a woman's body recovers for a long time, from several months to six months. A lot also depends on a man, you need to understand that a wife’s partial or complete lack of desire should not be a reason for pressure and quarrels. You can solve the problem in the following way:
- Normalize sleep, which contributes to the rapid recovery of the woman's body.
- Do not critically evaluate your body for the current period in life, since after childbirth many women become complex, lowering their libido even more.
- Distribute responsibilities in order to prevent chronic fatigue and problems with sexual functions against this background.
- Do not push the man away, as quarrels and disharmony only aggravate the situation.
- Eat well, because due to the lack of vitamins and other substances, the body is depleted, the level of hormones decreases, and metabolic processes are disrupted.
In addition, you can help increase libido with the help of certain drugs - Angelica forte with a 100% natural herbal composition, with a vitamin composition, a stimulant of sexual functions, etc. Before taking such drugs, it is important to study in detail the instructions, contraindications and side effects and consult with a medical professional.
Sexual relations are the most important component of harmony and mutual understanding between people. Misunderstandings and conflicts that arise are often caused by a lack of sex or a decrease in its regularity. Lack of sexual desire in women can be observed as often as in men.
The lack of desire for sex in women, namely the reasons for this and the treatment - these are the actual and very important issues that experts are studying, trying to help people understand them and establish an intimate life with the help of medications and psychotherapy techniques. We will talk about this now on this page www.site.
Sex is not needed! Where does the lack of desire in women come from, what are the reasons for this?
Statistics show that 40% of the fairer sex have sexual disorders. This is manifested by a complete lack of excitement and aversion to sexual intercourse, even with a beloved man. There may be several reasons for this:
1. Disturbed hormonal balance
Libido in the body of both sexes is maintained thanks to a hormone called testosterone. This, as you know, is a male hormone, which decreases after the age of thirty, as well as in the postpartum period.
2. Age-related changes
The period before the onset of menopause or during it. This happens because the function of the ovaries fades, and this leads to a decrease in estrogen in the body. As a rule, the release of natural vaginal lubrication decreases, during intercourse a woman experiences discomfort, without getting pleasure. By the way, the ladies themselves do not feel worse from the fact that they completely give up their sexual life.
3. Diseases and gynecological disorders
There are some diseases that cause imbalance in the female body and lead to a weakening of libido. This is about diabetes, problems with the urinary and cardiovascular systems, diseases of the pelvic organs. Inflammatory processes also often cause pain during intercourse, which on a subconscious level causes women to aversion to sex. By the way, infectious diseases also greatly impede the excitation of a woman. What is the satisfaction of a woman with sexual intercourse ...
4. vaginismus
These are spasms that cause the vaginal muscles to contract strongly, which causes pain during intimate relationships for both partners. Vaginismus can be the result of violence, harassment and other psychological disorders.
5. Psychological factors
This is one of the most common and, by the way, the most serious reasons why women lose their desire to have sex. Fatigue and stress, lack of sleep and too active rhythm of life - all this leads to disharmony in sexual life. Violation of the idyll in a relationship with a beloved man, quarrels and resentments, selfishness on the part of a partner, inappropriate environment - these factors also make it difficult to relax and enjoy sex. Fear of getting pregnant often occurs between two people who have sexual contact.
About how to correct the lack of desire in women (treatment by various methods)
The choice of appropriate treatments depends on the causes. Diseases of any nature require competent therapy, and then the problem will be solved by itself.
With a decrease in testosterone in the female body, hormone therapy is prescribed. For problems psychological nature the doctor will prescribe a psychotherapy session, a course of antidepressants, homeopathic medicines. By the way, experts say that it is an integrated approach, that is, a combination of medicines and conversations with a sex therapist, that allows you to achieve the best results.
Couples mistakenly think that their actions will play no role in restoring female libido. Just the opposite. Firstly, you can use accessories, sex toys, special lubricants and exciting underwear. Secondly, making love requires complete trust between partners, no tension, understatement and resentment. Often sex becomes just a way of violent reconciliation after quarrels!
Third, you can increase excitement and awaken desire by watching erotic films together.
Fourth, it will not be superfluous to consult a doctor about aphrodisiacs (these can be both oral preparations and candles, aroma lamps, creams, perfumes). Recently, by the way, the site described the drug "Spanish Fly". Read about it...
Fifth, increase sensitivity and get the opportunity to enjoy sex, you can use exercise. Particularly popular in Lately enjoy the famous Kegel exercises. They improve blood circulation in the pelvic organs, tone the intimate muscles, and restore the sensitivity of the genital organs after childbirth. You need to perform them in the following way: you can take a pose lying or standing. The legs are bent, slightly apart to the side. Tighten the muscles of the vagina as if you want to stop urination. Hold this position for 8-10 seconds, then slowly relax. This elementary exercise should be performed every day 10-15 times.
Sexual life is worth it to restore and adjust. It is not just the pleasure and enjoyment of intimacy with a loved one. Regular sex is a guarantee of health, well-being and a brilliant appearance!
Why do you think some people in old age remain cheerful and active, while others, while still quite young, do not see joy in life, fall into apathy and do not want anything? Maybe this is how nature created us - some cheerful, others tired? Or do we gradually, over time, waste our energy, and someone spends it too quickly? Why is it sometimes so hard to get moving even for what used to seem so desirable? And what to do if you no longer expect anything from this life? Let's try to answer these questions in terms of System-Vector Psychology Yuri Burlan.
Desire equals life
We all do something, move somewhere only because we have a burning desire, a desire for something. This is our energy, the force pushing us forward. There is no desire - there is no strength to move. But sometimes a person loses the desire to live and strive for something. Why this happens, for what reasons - will help to understand the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Each person is born unique, with his own set of innate properties and aspirations, which are called vectors in SVP. There are eight of them. Along with the vector, special desires and the necessary amount of vitality are given to fulfill these desires. And everything would be fine if we accurately understood ourselves - we would know how to achieve what we want. But in reality, we are often disoriented, we live blindly, which leads us to disappointment.
For example, a person with a sound vector differs from others in a special need to know oneself, the world, and the root causes, which overrides all ordinary, earthly desires with its importance. To fulfill his desires, he is endowed with the ability to concentrate and abstract intelligence. Concentration on one's thoughts, self-absorption can make such people distracted, it is difficult for them to make contact. They are interested inner world, which seems to them more meaningful and real than the world outside. Such people strive for meaningfulness in any of their actions. But to achieve it is not so easy.
Until now, knowledge of human nature has been limited, the unconscious is hidden from understanding - for modern man with a sound vector, the insufficiency of this knowledge is tantamount to hunger, only not of the body, but of the soul. Without understanding one's Self, there can be no meaningfulness.
When life doesn't make sense
Apathy in the sound vector occurs when a person does not find meaning in life and any actions, he does not understand why all this mouse fuss that others are busy with. He does not receive pleasure, joy from life, because he does not realize his desires - he does not find answers to the eternal questions that are so important to him. And then he goes to sleep, sleeps for days on end, he does not have enough energy to do some necessary things. The suffering of the sound engineer is so great that he, who considers this world illusory, dreams of leaving it as soon as possible.
And so that a person does not commit suicide, nature has taken care of a protective mechanism. From the unbearable pain of chronic unfulfillment, the desire seems to burn out, and apathy sets in. The pain is dulled, but, becoming insensible, losing desires, a person gradually completely loses interest in life. The strength is gone too. He no longer dreams, does not strive, does not take risks, does not love, does not want anything from this life ... So mortido (the desire for static, death) begins to prevail over libido (the desire for life) - nature slowly and sparingly takes us out of life.
Why are people dying? Because they lose their desire. And those who want something, strive and achieve it live long. This is how a person is arranged, that he wants more and more, the desire grows with each time, with each filling, and with it, the pleasure grows. And life goes on.
Apathy among the most diligent
Apathy can arise not only in the sound vector. Almost anyone can become lethargic and lethargic, if his desires are not fulfilled for a long time. After all, man lives by the principle of pleasure. And if there is no pleasure, desires become dull. A person already despairs of getting anything and refuses desires, continuing to limply go with the flow of life.
Often people with an anal vector are prone to apathy - one of the eight psychotypes with its special set of desires and aspirations.
What is inherent in these people? Striving for justice, purity, quality. These are high-class specialists, they have golden hands, the desire to bring everything to the ideal, to shine. These are true friends, devoted husbands and wives who value and especially cherish relations with relatives. Such people love to give and receive advice, they listen to the opinions of authorities and are often dependent on close people, especially their mother. These are often indecisive, slow people, they do not like to take risks and take the initiative. Before committing an act, they can think for a long time, gather their strength and only then do it.
Why do such people lose their desires? There can be many reasons, let's look at some of them.
The need for praise and recognition
A person with an anal vector is more aware than others and is dependent on the opinions of others. He needs praise and desires to receive it from others. He is ready sometimes just for the sake of it to do the job perfectly.
Without receiving approval and satisfaction from his actions for a long time, he loses motivation. Moreover, a kind of distortion arises in his rigid psyche: I invested my efforts, but did not receive a reward (resentment is born). Feeling injustice, the anal person no longer wants and cannot move (stupor), being a hostage of his ideas about the world: everything should be equal! He will give up any actions in advance, realizing that no desired reward awaits him ahead. Refusal to act further limits the possibility of receiving pleasure, and the person gradually fades away. Less and less he wants to go out into the street, to do some work. And now he lies on the couch for days on end, apathetic and obese from inactivity.
Couldn't say no
The little man with an anal vector is growing up, learning to interact with people, like all other children. But his peculiarity is that he is a very obedient, complaisant child by nature, and tips and praise from his mother are very important for him, this gives him a sense of security and helps him develop. When a child grows up, he learns to accept independent solutions and achieve what you want without trying to look for praise and approval everywhere.
If development in childhood happened not quite right, such a person, already mature, may not be able to say “no”. He remains dependent on the opinions of others, looking for lost mother's approval. Therefore, he wants to please everyone, to please, in order to receive praise for the sake of praise itself, and only then can he feel needed and valuable. Gradually, he ceases to feel what he wants himself.
To an even greater extent, this applies to people in whose set of vectors there is also a visual vector. The spectator is shy from birth and it is most difficult for him to adapt in our world. Trying to adapt to others, he seeks protection and security. An anal-visual person can be so dependent on the opinions and desires of other people that he is unable to do anything of his own accord.
As a result, chronic dissatisfaction sets in, fatigue from the realization of other people's desires and attempts to please, but never please to the extent required. Eventually, exhaustion comes. Since it’s impossible to please, it’s impossible to satisfy others, which means you shouldn’t do it. The person sinks into deep resentment and is inactive.
Insecurity and feelings of inferiority
Another cause of apathy in the anal vector can be chronic debilitating insecurity. We can stand still for a long time, waiting for an opportunity to start something. We are constantly delaying the realization of those desires that seem difficult to achieve. While we are making up our minds, marking time, we miss a lot of opportunities.
Then we get upset, blame ourselves and gradually begin to lose faith in the fact that we are ever able to carry out this or that action. Then there is a renunciation of desires: it is useless to do something - it will not work out anyway. So we think, feeling we are not strong enough, brave enough, and quick enough to get what we want.
Even if we have great determination, perseverance and intention to achieve what we want, we can still be haunted at times by thoughts that we cannot and will not achieve anything. This is largely due to children's attitudes received from their parents. "Stupid", "brake", "crooked" - often children hear this from their parents. "How are you going to live, worthless creature?" - the anal person unconsciously repeats inside himself, who did not have a day, there were some problems at work or at home.
How to take the first step, which is already difficult by nature, if you are convinced that it will not work out well anyway. But we want to be the best. But dependent on the opinions of others, and in childhood, especially on the opinion of our mother, we take these attitudes upon ourselves, and they change our whole life. This renders an already indecisive person incapable of making important steps and leads to pathological procrastination.
This feeling of worthlessness can haunt a person for a long time. The depressed mood lasts longer, the suffering intensifies and unfulfilled desires are set aside, as if they have never been realized.
Refusal to implement. Dependency instead of freedom
Those people who have come to terms with their own non-realization are, of course, dependent on someone to take care of them. A person needs food, clothes, a roof over his head, and if the person himself does not provide for himself with all this, then someone must give him everything he needs. Often mothers who do not want to part with their children take care of their already adult children, and non-working women depend on their husbands who feed and protect them.
In our time, quite often, anal-visual people, growing up, remain infantile, unable to take care of themselves even for themselves, let alone for others. If their upbringing was wrong, without the sense of security and safety they get from their parents, then they live in fear and uncertainty until the end of their days. Going into adulthood can be quite problematic for them.
Instead of implementation, they look for opportunities to delay any action because it seems difficult and dangerous. If the environment supports this desire, then they can sit in the “penalty area” all their lives, avoiding communication with the world, decisions, actions, any responsibility or manifestation of themselves.
When we ourselves do not strive for anything, we get used to depend on those who care for us. We learn to manipulate them and depend on their location. We learn to live by certain rules, we are afraid to break them, so that the one who cares about us and solves our pressing problems does not deprive us of what we need.
As a result, we live in a golden cage, where there is everything or almost everything, but there is no main thing - the freedom to realize ourselves in accordance with the properties given by nature. In the end, life becomes like in a fairy tale - “what will, what is bondage - it doesn’t matter,” because desires have long died, and skills, if they were once acquired, have been lost. We can only live out a gray, bleak, apathetic life of dependence.
How to return the joy of life?
To revive desires, it is worth starting small. First, clearly define what desires are hidden or suppressed in us. Many are so dependent on the opinions of other people that they never realize what they really want. System-vector psychology allows you to understand yourself in short time and with great precision. Then you need to start slowly acting, taking small steps towards the goal - the realization of your desires. One has only to try once, enjoy, remember this pleasant feeling from what has been achieved, and then try again and again. Each time, the desire will increase, grow, and with the increased desire, strength will appear.
Don't get frustrated if something doesn't work out yet. We give up so easily different reasons- then the belief in our worthlessness is so strong that we are struggling to unconsciously find confirmation of it, then we are already used to being so lazy that we don’t want to change anything - it’s so convenient for us. We did not even notice how at a young age we began to feel decrepit, useless old people. But we are not like that, even if we are already 70! It's never too late to start living a fulfilling life.
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to work out all our negative attitudes, to realize those unconscious mechanisms that from time to time led us through a vicious circle of unfulfilled desires. A deeper understanding of yourself, your characteristics and real desires gives a new sense of yourself and life in general.
Equally important for maintaining confidence and stability is the right environment, which will give strength for new life experiences. Only among other people can we understand our natural qualities and fully realize ourselves. We need like-minded people nearby, people with whom we can speak the same language, with whom we can navigate.
You will definitely find such people at the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. And here you can decide what exactly you will do in your life, learn how to make the right decisions, for which you will not have to blame yourself or others. You can understand a lot about your life already at introductory free online lectures, where the anal vector is also considered.
Let's act and our awakened desires will lead us as far as we want!
And let life go on!
Victoria Gogoleva, student of the Faculty of Psychology
The article was written using the materials of trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
Chapter:
If in the first year of a relationship, mutual sexual desire practically does not fade away, then over time, after several years of marriage, there are cases when a woman absolutely does not want to have sex, and she finds all conceivable and unthinkable excuses in order to avoid intimacy.
This negatively affects both partners: on the man because of his constant physiological need for sex, and on the woman because of the appearance of guilt, which further alienates her from her partner. It would seem that, vicious circle. But if you clarify the causes of what is happening and take appropriate measures, then good sexual relations can be restored. If a woman's libido has become dull, this does not mean that now the family will have no sex life. On your own or with the help of specialists, this problem can be successfully solved.
Features of temperament
If a woman wants to have sex less than her partner, this does not always mean that she has lost her sexual desire. You should be careful about choosing a future husband in accordance with your temperament. If 1 sexual contact in 3 days is enough for a woman, and a partner needs 3 times a day, such a couple will not be able to exist harmoniously and you should not try to increase the woman's attraction by any means.
Fatigue, stress, depression
The most common reason for a decrease in sexual activity is overwork, both mental and physical. This is familiar to many women leading an active professional life and building a career. After a working day, there is no strength left for anything, and even more so for sex, which requires maximum involvement. There is only one solution here - to reduce the load, to allocate special days when attention will be paid to the husband, and not to work.
If a woman is engaged in business, then she can regulate her schedule herself and take days off during the week. If this is a job for hire, then a drastic decision may be required - to change jobs to a less tiring job or stop working altogether. For men, the sexual sphere is so important that your husband may gladly agree to take all the material support on himself so that you do the housework and be at home always cheerful and rested for him.
Psychological, emotional reasons
Unlike men, in whom sex is more of a physiology, in women, libido depends on how favorable the relationship and emotional climate in the family are. If a woman does not feel that she is loved, quarrels often occur in the house without resolving the conflict, the husband does not know how to listen and understand his wife, this deprives her of attraction. The solution to such a problem is to work on the relationship, the renewal of emotional intimacy.
First you need to discuss with your spouse the problem of lack of sex and explain the reasons on your part. Since the psyche of men works logically, and not emotionally, often he himself will not be able to guess that you do not want sex, because he does not take out the garbage at your request and therefore you think that he has stopped loving you. It is very effective to visit a psychologist or a sexologist as a couple - a specialist will help you quickly determine the reasons for the lack of sexual desire and suggest ways to solve the problem.
Physiological causes
Libido is affected by the state of the hormonal system of a woman. Hormonal imbalance occurs during pregnancy, after childbirth, during various diseases. If such phenomena do not last long, you need to wait for some time, for example, 2 months after childbirth, and sexual desire will be restored. Also, some types of hormonal contraceptives can reduce libido - consult a gynecologist about changing the drug. Often a woman's sexual activity is reduced due to diseases of the genitourinary system, here the recommendation is logical - do not start the disease and do not delay treatment.
Decreased vitality
If a woman leads an inactive lifestyle, she has a sedentary or standing job, this inevitably affects the general condition of the body and mood in general. Exercising in the morning, walking in the fresh air, regularly airing the bedroom - this is what will help the body to revive and, therefore, wake up natural needs in the body, including sex. Boost your feminine energy with enjoyable body treatments and be sure to move more, for example, sign up for a fitness or yoga class. Often, the first day or two of classes will fill you with vitality and wake up your libido.
As you can see, a decrease in female sexual activity can occur for various reasons, but there is always a way out of these situations. The most important thing is to have a dialogue with your husband and eliminate adverse factors, both physiological and psychological, and not put an end to your sexual life.
The man’s libido has disappeared - the situation, frankly, is not pleasant, and is capable of “knocking out of the saddle” anyone. However, in this situation, there should not be a feeling of despair, but a desire to immediately begin treatment, since the problem can be corrected. Complexity, unwillingness to “clean dirty linen in public”, fear of condemnation - all this will only aggravate the situation and significantly reduce the quality of life.
What affects a man's libido?
In this list, age is given the most last place, and all because low libido in men of 40-50 years of age usually becomes the result of all the same chronic diseases and bad habits. Often people of a fairly advanced age are sexually attracted to women, moreover, they embody their intimate desires into reality, and acquire heirs without the help of sexologists and andrologists. It is only necessary to recognize the signs of a decrease in libido in time and take action.
Lack of sex drive is hard to miss, although symptoms can vary slightly. The following degrees are conditionally distinguished:
- decreased desire to have sex;
- partial (periodic) loss of attraction to women;
- complete indifference (and even disgust) to sex as a concept, action and phenomenon.
Causes of Decreasing Sexual Desire
Often the cause of a decrease in libido is hidden in a hormonal imbalance, in which case its signs will be appropriate, namely:
- the voice changes, it becomes unusually high;
- hair begins to grow poorly on the face, in the groin and in the armpits;
- there is a deposition of fat according to the female type;
- all other signs of testosterone deficiency.
Psychological problems can also lead to a decrease in libido, caused, for example, by such factors:
- experienced fiasco of a sexual nature;
- psychotrauma associated with the intimate side of life;
- inability to satisfy a sexual partner;
- conflicts associated with non-traditional orientations.
How to increase male libido?
A man will have to reconsider his lifestyle and food habits, try non-traditional and familiar methods, and possibly change his sexual partner.
Experts insist that the patient increase the duration of a good night's sleep to 8 hours every day, start playing sports, give up his bad habits and began to spend more time outdoors.
In terms of nutrition, you need to lean on foods rich in vitamins belonging to the group A, E, C and D. It should consist of:
- seafood and lean meats;
- milk and honey;
- legumes and cereals;
- by-products, vegetables and fruits.
The lack of libido in men also suggests drug treatment, mainly consisting in an artificial increase in the hormone testosterone. The main emphasis is on eliminating the cause that led to a decrease in its production, which usually consists in dysfunction of the endocrine system.
Along with medicines, it is recommended to adjust libido with the help of decoctions and infusions based on parsley, agave, bay leaf, ginger, linden inflorescences and juniper shoots. A positive effect can be given by dietary supplements based on the listed plant components. For example, products such as Ginkgo Biloba, Tribulus or Yohimbe demonstrate a positive effect. But the advisability of taking them should be discussed with a specialist who observes the course of the pathology.
