Probably, the description of psychological boundaries does not look very clear. But let's think: what will happen if something living has no boundaries? It will simply disappear.

This is exactly what happens to people whose psychological boundaries are weak. They have a poor understanding of who they are, what they want and how to separate their goals / desires from those imposed. It is difficult for them to refuse, they depend on the opinions of others, tolerate disrespect, often take care of everyone except themselves.

It happens that the boundaries of a person - hard. In this case, a person does not tolerate intrusion into his life, does not recognize other people's opinions and needs. He has a set of rules that should never be broken. Any attempt to convince him is perceived as an invasion.

Healthy boundaries are said to be flexible. In this case, a person has the ability to take into account the interests of others, without losing himself. He can both give and receive. Such a person understands the refusal and does not impose himself, takes on as much as he can bear, and most importantly, he knows and understands himself well.

This is how the boundaries of varying degrees of rigidity look like. But what are they made of? Photo: Depositphotos

1. Physical boundaries

They follow the contours of our body. This also includes the knowledge of who, when and how can touch us. Violations of the physical boundaries of a person are the most serious, they can cause irreparable damage to the psyche of the victim. That's why most of these violations are described in the Criminal Code.

But the violation of these boundaries is not only physical violence. There are other ways to invade the human body. For example, force-feeding (“you won’t leave the table until you finish eating”), rough and unethical behavior medical workers.

2. Personal space

Each of us at least once in our lives felt: it is unpleasant when someone is standing too close - for example, in transport. It seems like we didn’t buy or even rent a meter around us, but we feel that this meter is ours. Especially if there are plenty of seats in the car. We cannot feel confident and calm when our personal space is invaded, because in response to the violation of the border, an alarm is turned on.

Personal space is also violated when someone speaks too loudly. This is also a form of intrusion, but at the level of sound.

This concept includes not only physical space, but also virtual space. This applies, for example, to a page on a social network - who, what and how has the right to comment.

This also includes other means of communication. Calling busy people for non-urgent matters means violating their personal space. After all, there are more delicate ways of communication - write SMS, email, etc. So a person will be able to answer when he has time and opportunity for this.
Photo: Depositphotos

The concept of personal space is highly dependent on the culture in which a person grew up, and on the lifestyle that he leads. What for some is a violation, for others it is a familiar way of communicating.

3. Territory boundaries and ownership

Territorial boundaries are about where your space ends and someone else's begins. This is your desk in the office, your room at home. Intrusions happen something like this: without your knowledge, they sit at your own table, enter the room without knocking, invite themselves to stay in your apartment.

Ownership extends to things that you own. They violate this kind of boundaries by using your things without asking permission.

Interestingly, the apartment in which you live may not belong to you by right of ownership, but be your territory. If you are renting a house, this does not mean at all that the landlord has the right to break into your place at any time without warning. Maybe you're walking around naked. And if you live with your parents, then your room is your territory, even if legally it does not belong to you. And no one has the right to go there without your permission.

4. Time limits

This is the concept of how a person manages his time. When can you call and when not? How long can you stay at work?

Intrusions happen when someone allows themselves to "eat" your time. For example, if a person is late, disrupts your plans, does not warn you in time, or requires you to devote too much time to him.
Photo: Depositphotos

5. Emotional boundaries

This includes feelings, the right to express them, ideas about when, how and with whom it is worth sharing experiences and details of personal life.

These boundaries are violated in a variety of ways. These are tactless questions like: “Why are you not married yet?”, “When will you have children?”, “How much do you earn?” - and unsolicited advice, and obsessive care, and control of behavior (“you must ...”).

There are also other violators - those who try to deprive another of the right to this or that emotion. For example, when you share your irritation with your child, who has not let you sleep for the third day, such people tell you that it is bad and shameful to be angry.

6. Value boundaries

This concept includes ideas about what is important for a person, what he believes in and what he considers valuable. These are religious feelings, and moral principles, and self-esteem (if a person considers himself a value, of course).

Such boundaries are violated by the imposition of someone else's opinion. For example, you are a staunch meat eater (this is a value for you), but then a vegan sits next to you, who allows himself to spoil your appetite with stories about unfortunate animals. Well, or vice versa: you are a vegan, and you are convinced of the “stupidity” of this approach.
Photo: Depositphotos

These boundaries can easily be violated by lovers of the word “should”, who have a clear idea of ​​how to live “correctly” and how “badly”. They do not understand that you are a different person, and what seems “only true” to them simply does not suit you.

The environment is our mirror. If there are people nearby who do not respect us, this indicates not only that their upbringing is not very good, but also that something is wrong with our self-esteem. If they climb with advice, it means that we do not know how to defend our psychological boundaries.

And it also means that ... we trade the same as they do. That is, we are also violators in some way, we just do not want to see this. A mirror is a mirror to reflect.

Introduction

Our experience of contact with the world is formed by various psychological boundaries, which are very often far from optimal. Unformedness and dysfunction of the border are associated with the formation of negative motor attitudes that appeared as a result of psychological trauma. The sociocultural environment and upbringing, in most cases, contribute to the formation of these negative motor attitudes. However, the psychological boundary develops and changes throughout life.

The phenomenon of psychological boundaries today remains one of the least studied.

Within the framework of various schools, this concept has been used for a very long time: in the work of Gestalt therapists, followers of K.G. Jung, followers of K. Rogers, body-oriented psychotherapists. But if you look through psychological dictionaries, the search for a “psychological boundary” will turn out to be fruitless. On the one hand, everyone understands that each person somehow distinguishes himself from the outside world. And that which separates the "I" from the surrounding world, that which separates the "I" from the "non-I" is the psychological boundary. On the other hand, there is an objective difficulty in measuring a virtual entity that serves as a boundary for another non-physical entity. YES. Beskov and Sh.A. Tkhostov, in his work devoted to the study of psychological boundaries, writes about this complexity as follows: “The problem is that the boundary of corporality is a very complex and elusive phenomenon, the existence of such a boundary seems undeniable, but it presents great difficulties for objectification.”

In modern Russian psychology, the works of T.S. Levy, D.A. Beskova, Sh. A. Tkhostova. The concept of a psychological boundary is widely used in the works of I. Vachko, E.I. Sereda and some other researchers.

Purpose of the work: to consider the psychological boundary as a psychological phenomenon of personality.

Research objectives:

1. Consider the psychological boundary as a functional organ.

2. Consider the concept of the optimal psychological boundary.

3. To study the concept of psychological boundaries in philosophy.

4. To study the concept of psychological boundaries in Gestalt therapy.

5. Consider possible problems in the relationship between a teacher and a student in the case of a poorly formed psychological boundary.

1. Analysis of scientific literature.

Psychological border

Psychological frontier in the psychology of corporality

In the philosophical, psychological and psychotherapeutic literature, one can find different terminology denoting this phenomenon: the boundary of life and the boundary of I-feeling (V.A. Podoroga), the contact boundary (F. Perls), the energy boundary (L. Marcher), the boundary “I "and the inner border (A.Sh. Tkhostov), ​​etc.

K. Jaspers writes: "Any life manifests itself as a constant exchange between the inner world and the outside world." This exchange takes place at the boundary of life education.

There is a tangible difference between the real, objective, biological body and the psychological image of this body experienced by the subject. The difference between how the body functions biologically, how it is arranged anatomically, and how we imagine it ourselves, how we experience it, how we feel it from the inside. Some processes taking place in our body are not fully realized by us - the flow of blood through the veins, arteries and vessels, the process of digestion: the release of nutrients from the food mass, their absorption, entering the blood, delivery to cells. At the same time, there are bodily processes that are very significant for a person, but do not have of great importance for a biological body - for example, the touch of a loved one - physically it is contact with a small area of ​​skin, excitation of a small number of tactile receptors, but for a living person this is a powerful emotional experience.

In the same way, there is a difference between the real, objective boundaries of the body, which coincide with the skin of our body, and the psychological boundaries, which can go beyond the physical boundaries.

Where is this border and what does it represent?

A border is a line laid in reality or an imaginary line separating one object from another. Accordingly, the psychological boundary of the individual separates the inner world of the individual from the external world, from other people.

Here is what V.A. The road about the border: “This border - vibrating, constantly changing its line of tension, consistency, thickness, activity of two environments that coincide in it (External and Internal) - is a period of life that we are not able to leave while we live; something that is always between - there may be an interval, a pause, an insurmountable barrier, a protective shaft, or maybe a hole, a cut, and, nevertheless, only here we gain a full sense of life.

The life path can be considered as a process of formation by a person of his own psychological boundary. T.S. Levy writes: “The psychological boundary is formed in the process of becoming aware of one's own inner space and defending it, overcoming symbiotic relationships. Such overcoming means acquiring the right to self-determination, freedom, but at the same time responsibility for oneself. V.A. Podoroga, considering the history of the emergence of a psychological boundary in ontogenesis, writes: “The child and mother are under the same (maternal) cover ... All sensations associated with the formation of the mental Ego of the child are determined by the closest Other to him. This Other will always be his second skin, which he will always lack. And this second skin is not only a kind of armor protection, but can also be the most dangerous enemy of the first. Likewise, “... any attempt to reconstruct the psychic Ego is determined by taking into account the interaction of the first and second skins, and without the latter, in fact, no psychic Ego can either form or manifest itself. It is the second skin that opens this, not always safe, path to the world of other bodies, to the body of the Other, but by a secondary move - the path to one's own body.

In this way, psychological development, this is the alignment of the "second skin" and the formation of a space between the first and second skin, i.e. psychological border.

The psychological boundary develops and changes throughout our lives. The quality of boundaries is an expression of the inner, energetic and mental state of a person. As T.S. Levy: “The optimal border is capable, depending on the state of the world and our own desire, to change its characteristics (density, permeability, thickness, shape, etc.), providing human interaction that is adequate to its capabilities, motives and values. The optimal psychological boundary is a process built life path a functional organ by the efforts of the person himself.

Based on the data obtained during the application of body-oriented techniques, it is possible to identify the extreme in terms of severity, possible characteristics of the optimal border:

a) The boundary can become actively impervious to external influences if these influences are assessed as harmful.

b) The boundary can become completely permeable and allow the "I" to merge with the world.

c) The border can become actively absorbing, retracting, if a person has an internal right to satisfy his needs.

d) The boundary can become actively giving away if the person has the inner right to express himself.

e) The border can become actively restraining, containerizing internal energy, if it is adequate to the state of the World.

f) The border can become calm-neutral in case of a similar state of the World.

The psychological boundary expresses the state of a person, characterized by the level of activity and the vector of movement from oneself or towards oneself. The optimal boundary corresponds to settings that do not contradict the needs and experiences of a person.

For the natural interaction of a person with the outside world, it is important to have the full range of options for changing the border. However, the main variant of the boundary that allows it to be flexible is the ability to keep it in a neutral state, which corresponds to calmness and self-confidence. B.D. Elkonin writes: “It is necessary to abandon one incorrect assumption, which says that the image is built as a result of the tension of need. Quite the opposite - something can be seen only during the period of removal from need and the removal of its tension ”[8,69]. The removal of tension is necessary in order to see something new, as well as a variety of possibilities for one’s own behavior. Therefore, it is a calm state that allows a person to be as sensitive as possible to himself and the world.

The boundary of the physical body exists substantially. The psychological boundary has an energy nature: one or another of its characteristics arise as a temporary combination of forces to solve the problem of realizing a specific interaction between a person and the world. The psychological boundary is manifested in the activity of a person, in his actions. It does not exist substantively, but actually, and, therefore, is a virtual formation. All of the above suggests that the psychological boundary is not a morphological, but a functional organ.

According to A.A. Ukhtomsky, a functional organ is not a morphological, but an energy formation - a combination of forces capable of achieving a certain achievement.

psychological boundary balance teacher

AT psychological practice when working with clients, I often have to deal with various requests that have a common basis - unawareness, inability to build, and, as a result, to defend personal psychological boundaries.

For people who have difficulty with "boundaries," the very thought of them is often a revelation. So what are psychological boundaries?

Any boundaries presuppose the establishment of a certain limit, fence, wall, feature, line denoting property, separating one space, territory from another, one's own from another's, etc. Each subject has its own boundaries, such as: the state, region, region, and the person himself is no exception.

The boundaries of personality separate the "territory" of one person from another, showing where one personal space ends and the territory of another personality begins.

The physical boundaries of a person are, first of all, his body and this or that, depending on various factors, the distance around him. No less important for the feeling of one's "presence", awareness of one's "I", different from others, are psychological boundaries. They designate and protect the inner space, their own psychological territory, which includes:

● A system of self-image (what I am, what is good and bad about me, what qualities I have, assessment of my appearance, etc.);

● Needs, desires, aspirations, goals and ideas about how to achieve them;

● A system of existential attitudes regarding the meaning of life and the meaning of ongoing events, responsibility and guilt, love and loneliness, dependence and freedom, one's own ability (or impossibility) to make decisions and make choices, creativity and limiting obligations;

● Ideas about own abilities;

● Ways and style of interaction with other people;

● The right to create ideas and choose how to implement them;

● Ideas about one's place in the world, society;

● A system of rules and principles on which interaction with the social environment is built;

● Possession of some physical territory, that is, things, objects, objects that are referred to as the word “mine” (for example, a table, a sofa, a room, a house, clothes, workplace etc.) .

That is, in psychological sense Boundaries are the understanding of one's self as separate from others. This understanding of our separateness forms the basis of our personality. Borders tell us where we are and where we are not; what we can choose and what we cannot; what we can bear and what we cannot; what we feel and what we don't feel; what we like and what we don't like; what we want and what we don't want. In a word, boundaries define us. Just as physical boundaries determine where private ownership begins and ends, spiritual and psychological boundaries determine who we are and who we are not.

Psychologists distinguish two types of boundaries: defining and protective.

Defining boundaries connected with the values, attitudes and norms we have adopted, showing who we are and who we are not. They affirm both for ourselves and for those around us the essence of our personality, denoting what we consider the most important and valuable. This kind of boundary serves to identify and clarify oneself. By erecting defining boundaries, a person, as it were, informs, gives a signal to other people about who he is. For example, “I am a mother, and my parental duty is above professional duties”, “I am Russian and I am proud of my history and country”, “I am an Orthodox Christian, I observe church traditions and canons”, “I am an owl and ask me early in the morning do not disturb, etc., etc.

Protective borders protect "I" from circumstances that we perceive as painful, threatening self-esteem, unpleasant. By setting protective boundaries, we try to make relationships with people comfortable, to overcome difficulties in communication. In their case, it will already be something like this: “If you continue to make fun of me, I will stop communicating with you”, “If you don’t stop drinking, I will divorce you”, “If you don’t stop being late, I will go to visit in your car”, etc. Protective boundaries are affirmed in the presentation of communication conditions, the violation of which will lead to consequences announced in advance.

Unlike defining ones, protective boundaries are mobile. In the event of a change in attitude towards you, compliance with the conditions of communication put forward by you, you can weaken or completely eliminate them. Without facing unpleasant, painful, offensive circumstances, the need for protection disappears.

Thus, borders are a kind of boundary that separates the “I” from others, one’s own responsibilities and those of others, one’s own “territory” and not one’s own. They allow you to be a person as such, to have your own desires, needs, aspirations, and not other people's emotions, feelings, etc. Without them, we would not see the end of our responsibilities - we would worry about all people as well as ourselves, the division of labor would never come. With boundaries, everyone can clearly understand what he is responsible for (for his feelings, his actions, his decisions) and for what he should not be responsible (for the feelings of other people, their actions and decisions).

Psychological boundaries, like state ones, protect against encroachment on a person, on his inner, private space with all its content. By the very fact of their existence, they declare our sovereignty and protect us from uninvited, rude invasion, aggression, various forms violence and manipulation. Only unlike physical ones, psychological boundaries are invisible, they are in the mind and manifest in behavior.

When interacting with each other, people inevitably come into contact. Their personal spaces, psychological territories can be respected, protected, crossed, occupied or forcibly limited. Everything is the same as what happens to states and their borders.

The psychological spaces of different people can be, to one degree or another, a stable formation and have more or less rigid boundaries, the violation of which always causes a negative reaction - from mild discomfort to painful experiences. Such a reaction, in turn, can stimulate the emergence of a wide variety of forms of defense, up to retaliatory aggression. In any case, they always strive to preserve, protect, defend their own borders. And when they are violated, conflicts, misunderstandings, irritation, etc. begin.

Obvious problems arise when we do not feel our boundaries and, as a result, we do not know how to defend them. People with "unsteady" boundaries, or without them at all, will, without realizing it, constantly cause latent irritation among others, even among close friends. Ultimately, such people will be avoided by everyone, no one will want to communicate with them for a long time.

So, violation of psychological boundaries we will call the impact of one person on another with varying degrees of violence (that is, without obtaining consent) in order to change at one’s own discretion the system of ideas belonging to a person about himself, his capabilities, resources and his place in the world, to force changes in the rules and principles, to impose alien goals and ways to achieve them, etc., as well as unauthorized use and appropriation of the physical territory of another person or his objects of the physical world.

An extreme form of encroachment on the boundaries of the individual is occupation of psychological territory, as a result of which violation of boundaries occurs in all spheres of human life and, moreover, with a high degree of intensity.

Here are some examples from practice that demonstrate border problems:

● You are asked to do something that you don't want to do and that is not in your best interest, and you do not refuse the request. There may be another situation when you voluntarily take on the duties of other people without their request.

● You are humiliated, insulted, both verbally and physically, and you humbly endure it.

● You fully live by the needs and interests of other people, and you are little considered.

● Your loved ones play tricks on you in front of strangers and find it "fun". You, feeling "uncomfortable" in these situations, do not show it to them in any way.

● Trying to support and console you, day after day, you talk on the phone for a long time with your "unfortunate" girlfriend, or she is all free time spends at your home. You do not have time for household chores, for communication with your husband and children, but you continue to give her all your attention, afraid to offend.

● Working with clients, you pass their problems through yourself. If something gets out of control, turns into surprises, you can stay up at night until you resolve work situations.

● Your friends regularly violate the agreements between you and are late, without warning, do not repay you on time, force you to agree to a pastime that you are not interested in/unnecessary/unpleasant.

● Your personal belongings are taken without asking your permission.

● Different people in varying degrees of closeness to you ask questions about your intimate life and everything connected with it, and you answer, even if it is unpleasant for you to do so. Or you are initiated into the details of someone's intimate life, without being convinced of your desire to talk and listen about it.

● You have become an adult for a long time, and your relatives are still teaching you to "live", taking for you important decisions and in every possible way “contribute” to the arrangement of your personal life. Or, being already an adult and living on your own, you constantly, every step of your life check with the opinion of your parents, most often your mother. For any, even insignificant reason, you consult with her.

● Acquaintances and friends constantly tell you about the problems of their lives without asking your permission. This began to annoy you, but you continue to be a collective “vest”, “rug for wiping your feet”, etc.

This is just a small list of examples showing the violation of psychological boundaries and the inability to build them in communication with people.

Psychological boundaries begin to form at an early age in the family, in communication with loved ones. To establish "healthy" boundaries, the same conditions are necessary as for the development of a psychologically mature personality. This is the formation of primary, basic trust, autonomy, initiative, stable personal identity, the experience of unconditional acceptance and closeness, healthy separation from parents, etc.

Personal perception of psychological boundaries can be different. From “healthy”, balanced boundaries, clearly defined and mobile, depending on the situation, to their complete absence or only a hint of their presence.

The “immature” include not only personalities “without borders”, but also those who have built impenetrable dividing lines.

People with boundary violations behave differently. Three types of reactions can be distinguished.

1) When borders destroyed open, a person is not sensitive to needs as self as well as other people's personalities. He freely becomes the object of use, manipulation, easy prey for violence. Often such people do not distinguish between intimacy and publicity, women may not be picky in sexual relationships.

2). The second type of reaction is associated with closed borders. A person traumatized by the painful experience of destructive relationships, childhood traumas, can “build” insurmountable barriers around himself, actually isolating himself from relationships that require disclosure. Such people seem to defend themselves all their lives, becoming a completely closed system. Constantly defending their territory, they trust no one and are doomed to live in a state of war with everyone around them. They see threat everywhere, even where there is none. Negative children's decisions force them to perceive the world as bad and extremely hostile, and interpret non-hostile actions as hostile. Internal aggression easily turns outward, and after the defense they often take the offensive, violating the boundaries of other people. Formed in situations that required strong protection, over time, even when there are no threats to the individual, they continue to invariably fulfill their role, not allowing true intimacy, self-disclosure in relationships.

It is important to remember that we are created for relationships, and mutual acceptance is impossible without intimacy, openness to each other, mutual trust. And this cannot be achieved without risk, courage to remove all our protections, to become vulnerable. Without relationships, there is no full-fledged life, and a person is destined again and again to go beyond the psychological defenses built by him, to go closer to people.

3) The third reaction is intermediate between the first two. This is human behavior blurred, shaky borders. He is disoriented and can behave either as in the first type of reactions, with open boundaries, or as in the second, with closed ones. Moreover, fluctuations in his behavior - from complete openness to the construction of impenetrable defenses, as a rule, do not correspond to situations. He has ideas about boundaries, but there are no clear principles for building and defending them.

So, it is vitally important for every person to understand that gaining true freedom in any sphere of being is impossible without establishing “healthy” boundaries. If boundaries are missing or broken, then relationships will inevitably break down, work becomes a slave duty, and spiritual growth stops. Boundaries affect us in all areas - physical, psychological, spiritual, in the field of interpersonal relationships.

If there are no borders, they need to be built; if they are unsteady, then they should be strengthened. Borders serve to protect us by building a necessary buffer between people, preventing any encroachment on the psychological space of the individual.

The work on building healthy, balanced boundaries of the personality is complex, systematic in nature and is directly related to the achievement of maturity of the “I” system. I will give just a few, out of many possible directions for establishing "healthy" boundaries. This work must include:

● Increasing self-esteem, self-esteem, strengthening faith in one's value, significance;

● Learning to trust one's own feelings. Revealing one's true essence is possible only in accepting and demonstrating what is happening in inner world at any given moment, without suppressing and condemning yourself. This can be helped by mastering the skills of "I-statements", as the ability to speak openly about one's experiences, needs and true desires;

● Teaching the ability to say "yes" and especially "no", depending on their true preferences and desires. The ability to say “no” is like a sign given to the whole world: “I am a person. I have needs, tastes, preferences that are just as important as yours. And I can take care of myself." By saying “no”, you thereby mark the boundaries of your sovereignty. Learning to object firmly is an important stage in the struggle for independence of thought and behavior, for firmly following one's intentions.

● Development of assertive behavior skills. They involve the ability to expressively and clearly state what is desired; accept possible troubles; openly and frankly express their feelings; resolve conflicts constructively; recognize and counteract manipulative techniques, etc.

This is everyday work on oneself, the result of which will be the achievement of harmony with oneself and the people around, a realistic, adequate attitude towards oneself and the world will be formed.

We often have to deal with intentional or accidental invasion of personal space. To save peace of mind and psychological comfort, learn to build boundaries in relationships and behavior.

When we pronounce the word "border", we mean some kind of barrier that separates one from the other. The concept of "psychological boundary" is interpreted by psychologists as an understanding of where you end and where others begin. This applies to people of all ages, both children and adults.

There are several basic types of psychological boundaries:

• physical - restrictions relating to the body (violation of such frameworks - blows, inappropriate touches, attempts at physical proximity from strangers);
• spatial — restrictions that help a person to realize himself as a separate organism;
• personal space also belongs to the type of psychological restrictions. It implies a "comfort zone" in which we feel protected: an apartment, a room, a favorite chair;
• property - restrictions that relate to personal items (an example of a violation is a person's encroachment on your personal hygiene items or clothing);
• emotional - limitations related to mental health (we feel them especially acutely when someone starts screaming, putting pressure on pity, trying to humiliate, asking provocative questions);
• temporary - restrictions that are activated at those moments when our schedule is disrupted (for example, you regularly wait for a friend who continues to be late, showing disrespect).

Only we ourselves can set our psychological limits. You can interrupt an unpleasant conversation, tell a person “stop” when he wants to touch you or impose his company.

To understand personal space, you can do exercises or read thematic literature. A few books in this area:

• John Townsend "The Limits of Personality: Reloaded";
• Jenny Miller, Victoria Lambert Personal Boundaries. How to establish and defend them”;
• K.A. Bochaver, S.Yu. Bochaver "The living space of the family. Unification and division".

Violation of personal space can lead to mental disorders, so value yourself, take care of peace. Each of us is a person with the full right to the harmony of the soul with the body.

It is widely believed that all psychological problems stretch from childhood. Psychologists confirm that this is actually the case. If in childhood If your parents tried to artificially impose their opinion on you, infringed upon your interests, guided your actions, then in adulthood you may have problems with building personal boundaries.

The study of childhood problems should be dealt with only with a qualified psychologist. Parents may be advised to start encouraging their child's independence from an early age.

One of the first children's "perestroika" that affects the formation of personality is the crisis of bipedalism. This period begins at a time when the baby learns to walk confidently on two legs, he is naughty, trying to defend his independence.

Adults should stay close, but at the same time give their offspring the opportunity to take the first steps on their own, and then fill their first bumps. No matter how hard it is for you, try to recognize that the child is no longer completely dependent on you.

Further more. From the crisis of three, and then seven years, you also can not escape. Variability in the behavior of a younger student also refers to crises. Try to be attentive to your child, do not put pressure on him, let him defend his personal space, establish contact with the outside world, otherwise you risk losing his trust.

For many people with a healthy psyche, they are flexible: what we can allow relatives to communicate with us, we do not allow outsiders.

However, there are those who have too "strong" boundaries, not allowing anyone into their lives. Such a strategy is erroneous, as is the search for too close contacts with everyone in a row, which people with "thin" frames are prone to. You must build a policy in dealing with the outside world that will not allow you to give in to your life principles but allow for reasonable compromises.

Before you start working on psychological limitations, try to define them for yourself. Here are some popular ways to set personal boundaries:

• learn to say “no”: you cannot meet everyone halfway and are not obliged to do something that will create additional difficulties and inconveniences for you (remember that refusal is not tantamount to rudeness);
• define your life goals and beliefs that you won't sacrifice;
• learn how to defend responsibility to yourself: understand that everything that happens in your life depends only on you, so it’s worth getting out of the role of a victim and taking action.

Each of us has the right to the inviolability of those psychological boundaries that he saw fit to establish. After you realize your role in this world and understand what is right for you, you can easily build a single strategy of behavior and come to harmony in life.