The principle of reasonable selfishness is the golden mean between altruism and selfishness
Even if you are by nature the broadest soul of a person, postpone your desire for self-sacrifice until better times (it is possible that these times will never come!). If you can't be selfish, at least act like a selfish person. What is selfishness? It is "a romance that lasts a lifetime", with the person who is most dear to you, that is, with yourself.
Self-love is the ideological content of the principle of reasonable egoism, and its applied expression is to shift as many various duties as possible onto the shoulders of a man, including those that used to be yours.
Using the principle of reasonable selfishness from the very first days of your acquaintance with a man, you will instill in him a sense of responsibility, which will be very useful if you decide to make him happy by agreeing to marry him. By not letting a man relax, you can free up more time for yourself, your existing or planned children, and, finally, your life partner! As a result, even with a long experience of living together, you will not be a “driven horse”, always irritated, tormented by petty everyday problems, you will smile more often and grumble less. And in the end, both of you will benefit from it. That is why this principle is called "reasonable egoism."
Give a man the opportunity to take care of you. Be a bit of an actress, feign helplessness and confusion in any difficult (and not very difficult either!) situation. Women who look weak and helpless make a man feel strong. And always win in the eyes of men.
No matter what men say, each of them dreams in his heart of a romantic person, reminiscent of Turgenev's girls, even if at a given period of time he sleeps with a girl "without complexes." Do not believe that men like practical women, realists, standing firmly on their feet! Symbiosis of the food processor, washing machine and only a male consumer needs a vacuum cleaner. But you don't need such a man!
By the way, the role of an impractical person, far from everyday life and the real world, is not only much more advantageous, but also brings very tangible benefits.
In relationships with the opposite sex, always be guided by the principle of reasonable selfishness.
Love yourself more than the man you love. The more you experience warm feelings for yourself, your beloved, the more likely your partner will love you with the same degree of intensity.
Do only what your soul lies in, what interests you and causes positive emotions.
Never do anything you don't actively want to do. If you do not want to go to the country to dig beds - do not go. By wasting a weekend to sow parsley and dill, you will decorate your table later, but not your life.
Don't visit people you don't like. Of course, you don’t say this to your gentleman, accept the invitation, but calmly go about your business.
If you have accumulated a full basket of dirty laundry, and you want to read a detective story or watch your favorite series - do not deny yourself anything. If your roommate grumbles that he does not have clean shirts, let him wash himself. Having decided on a life together, you did not sign obligations for the personal care of his person. He certainly does not perform even half of what is considered "man's duties"!
You can shirk unpleasant things in this way: never argue with a man, do not say that you are lazy or don’t feel like it, verbally agree that everything will be done, but do nothing at the same time. And then - a sweet, confused smile and: “I'm sorry, dear, I completely forgot! Oh, I'm sorry, please don't be angry!" Well, how can he not forgive! Maybe he'll curse to himself, but he won't show it. Even if he mentally calls you "bludgeon", "stupid". But you will make him play by his own rules.
Or another option: “play the fool”, blink your eyes, ask again a hundred times, pretend that you will certainly forget and confuse everything. As a result, your man will be forced to help you. A couple of such sessions, and he will get used to doing everything himself. It's okay, the crown will not fall off him!
Never forget that you have not only responsibilities, but also rights. Reclaim more rights for yourself and slowly get rid of responsibilities.
Always look for a performer who can do for you the maximum of what was previously part of your responsibilities.
The technical side of things, as well as the physical, dirty work, is not for you. If your favorite picture has fallen off the wall, do not rush to take up the hammer to hang it again. Any woman is able to drive a nail into the wall, but why should she do it ?! If there is a male being in your house, this is his prerogative. Let the fallen picture stand there, leaning against the wall, until the creature, proudly calling itself a "man", deigns to get a stepladder, a hammer and a nail. If the faucet is dripping, don't rush to call the control room to call a locksmith. If your life partner's hands are growing out of the wrong place to replace the gasket, then let him at least take care to personally call a locksmith. At the same time, and learn how to fix the problem. (By the way, there are no tricks in this, such an operation may well be mastered by a man even with three higher educations.)
Men have nothing to complain about. Any work is only for their benefit.. Labor, as you know, turned a monkey into a man. Work and a male representative can turn into a man.
Take good care of your own good mood. Never raise your voice, shout, argue or fight with a man. Don't waste your emotions! remember, that negative emotions negatively affect the appearance of a woman.
If you have to do something that disgusts you, do not rush. Pull until you find someone who will (or not) roll up their sleeves with pleasure. The winner is the one who has stronger nerves or who cares about the result. If enthusiasm is not shown by anyone, forget about this matter. There are so many things in the world that you don’t have to do at all!
Learn to say "no". The problem with many women is that they are too easy to say "yes" and do not know how to say "no". When refusing someone, justify the reason. If your opponent's motivation does not suit him, it's worse for him.
Do not puzzle over other people's problems that do not concern you. Do not climb into someone else's soul, into someone else's life, but do not let anyone into yours.
Learn to manipulate men and make them do what you want.
Never row while sitting in a boat with a man (of course, this should not be taken only literally). Figuratively speaking, be a navigator in life, but not a rower.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: DO NOT SPILL MEN BY TAKING THEIR FUNCTIONS ON YOURSELF!
Having mastered these principles, you will understand that you can enjoy life without disappointing others, without infringing on their interests, but at the same time without offending yourself.
Epochs are changing, and human mores are being transformed. We were once taught to live for the benefit of society, but today it is increasingly being promoted principle of reasonable selfishness.
It lies in such human behavior in which the latter is always. And if help to another asks him to sacrifice his benefits, rights, interests, then a reasonable egoist will refrain from such help.
formed in our time principle of reasonable selfishness allows you to balance between an over-emotional, infinitely kind, trouble-free, sacrificial, broad-hearted person (altruist) and an inveterate, non-thinking, caring only about himself egoist.
But only a person who really objectively assesses the situation and is able to determine the fine line between reasonable and banal egoism can maintain this very shaky balance.
Some will say that there is no difference in these two forms of selfishness, and that in this way callous people hide behind other people's problems.
But let's think objectively. If one person will constantly help everyone else, then when will he solve his problems?
But as disinterested assistance is provided, there are only more people who want to receive it. And all because people are beginning to perceive such assistance - not as an extreme measure, but as something familiar and self-evident.
In other words, they simply forget that the other person does not owe them anything in this life.
He also has, no matter how strange it may sound, his own personal life and his own problems that no one solves for him.
And if he does not ask anyone for help, then this is not because he does not need it, but he simply has more conscience than the rest.
That's why principle of reasonable selfishness not just needed, but extremely necessary in modern life, where the majority believes that the one who is lucky is the one everyone rides.
Reasonable selfishness allows people not to become a hostage of circumstances, a free assistant to everyone and everyone, for whom it is easier to ask for help than to do something on their own.
And these people, unfortunately, are the majority. From the earliest periods, the eternal “help” begins. At school, it sounds: “let me write off” or “tell me”.
At the institute, "let me rewrite", "help me make a drawing, solve a problem." You get a job, you think that you got to adults, but Kindergarten with the eternal prompt, help, change, borrow continues there.
And if you think that there is no reasonable egoism, then you will unquestioningly help everyone and everyone. But how much is enough for you? Yes, and you won't be nice to everyone anyway.
As a result, you will gain the fame of an invaluable assistant and lifesaver, and start your affairs and problems, and there will be no end or end to such a cycle.
Using the same in life principle of reasonable selfishness, you are from a superhero to an ordinary person.
People around you will understand that you also have your own affairs, problems, and interests, and that you do not miraculously cope with all the burden of personal concerns, and therefore you also need time to solve them.
Not to become a real egoist will allow the realization of certain truths:
- this principle does not apply when serious problems arise with your close people, relatives, real friends (you should always find time for them);
- if a person has a misfortune (threat to life, health), then you must immediately take all possible measures to prevent it.
No one says that you should sacrifice your life for the life of another (not everyone is capable of this), but everyone is obliged to call the police, call the rescue service, ambulance, firefighters, and take other emergency measures.
The concept of reasonable egoism does not fit well into the notions of public morality. For a long time it was believed that a person should put the interests of society above personal ones. Those who did not fit into these conditions were declared egoists and indulged in general censure. Psychology says that a reasonable amount of selfishness should be present in everyone.
What is intelligent selfishness?
The idea of rational egoism became the object of study not only by psychologists, but to a greater extent by philosophers, and in the 17th century, during the Age of Enlightenment, even the theory of rational egoism arose, which was finally formed by XIX century. In it, reasonable egoism is an ethical and philosophical position that just encourages the preference of personal interests over any others, that is, what has been condemned for so long. Whether this theory enters into the postulates of social life remains to be seen.
What is the theory of rational egoism?
The emergence of the theory falls on the period of the birth of capitalist relations in Europe. At this time, the idea is formed that every person has the right to unlimited freedom. In an industrial society, he becomes the owner of his labor force and he will build relations with society, guided by his views and ideas, including financial ones. The theory of rational egoism, created by the enlighteners, claims that such a position is consistent with the nature of a person, for whom the main thing is love for oneself and concern for self-preservation.
Ethics of reasonable selfishness
When creating a theory, its authors took care that the concept they formulated corresponded to their ethical and philosophical views on the problem. This was all the more important because the combination “reasonable egoist” did not fit well with the second part of the formulation, because the definition of an egoist was understood as a person who thinks only about himself and puts the interests of the environment and society at naught.
According to the "fathers" of the theory, this pleasant addition to the word, which always had a negative connotation, was supposed to emphasize the need, if not for the priority of personal values, then at least for their balance. Later, this wording, adapted to the "everyday" understanding, began to denote a person who conforms his interests with public ones, without conflicting with them.
The principle of reasonable selfishness in business communication
It is known that it is built on its own rules, dictated by personal or corporate gain. It provides a profitable solution to issues that allow you to get the most profit and establish long-term relationships with the most useful business partners. Such communication has its own principles, which the business community has formulated and identified five main ones:
- positivity;
- predictability of actions;
- status differences;
- relevance.
In accordance with the issue under consideration, the principle of reasonable egoism attracts attention. It implies a respectful attitude towards the partner and his opinion, while clearly formulating and defending one's own (or corporate) interests. The same principle can apply in the workplace of any employee: do your own thing without interfering with others doing theirs.
Examples of reasonable selfishness
In everyday life, the behavior of a "reasonable egoist" is not always welcome, and often he is declared simply an egoist. In our society, refusing a request is considered indecent, while already from childhood they form a sense of guilt in those who allowed themselves such “freedom”. However, a competent refusal can become good example correct behavior, which will not be superfluous to learn. Here are just a few examples of reasonable selfishness from life.
- Need extra work. The boss insists that you stay at work today to complete work that was not done by you, and there is no payment for it. You can agree by canceling plans and ruining relationships with loved ones, but if you use the principle of reasonable selfishness, overcoming the feeling of fear and awkwardness, calmly explain to the boss that there is no way to postpone (cancel) your plans. In most cases, your explanations will be understood and accepted.
- Wife needs money for another new dress. In some families, it has become a tradition that the spouse demands money to buy a new dress, although the closet is bursting with clothes. Objections are categorically not accepted. She begins to accuse her husband of stinginess, lack of love, shed tears, in fact, blackmail her husband. You can give in, but will it only add love, gratitude on her part?
- An old friend once again asks to borrow money. He promises to return them in a week, although it is known that he will give them back no earlier than six months later. It is inconvenient to refuse, but in this way you can deprive your child of the promised ticket to the children's center. What's more important? Do not shame and do not "educate" a friend - this is useless, but explain that you cannot leave the child without rest, especially since he has been waiting for this trip for a long time.
It is better to explain to the wife that the money is set aside for the purchase of a new engine for a car in which the husband takes her to work every day and not only the good operation of the car depends on this purchase, but also the health and life of passengers. At the same time, you should not pay attention to tears, screams and threats to go to your mother. Reasonable selfishness should prevail in this situation.
The above examples reveal two positions of relations that require a thorough correction. Relations between people are still built on the superiority of the demanding or asking and the uncomfortable state of the one from whom they ask. Although the theory has existed for more than two hundred years, reasonable egoism is still difficult to take root in society, which is why situations prevail:
- the one who needs something insists, demands, blackmails, shouts, accuses of greed;
- the one who is being addressed makes excuses, explains, listens to impartial words addressed to him, feels guilty.
Reasonable and unreasonable selfishness
After the concept of reasonable egoism saw the light, the concept of "egoism" began to be considered in two versions: reasonable and unreasonable. The first was considered in detail in the theory of the Enlighteners, and the second is well known from life experience. Each of them gets along in a community of people, although the formation of reasonable egoism could bring more benefits not only to society as a whole, but also to individuals in particular. Unreasonable egoism is still more understandable and accepted in everyday life. At the same time, it is often cultivated and actively planted, especially by loving parents, grandparents.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Is selfishness good for a person? Certainly useful and even necessary, but not in all manifestations. Selfishness can be reasonable or, as they say, healthy, but it can be so rude, uncouth and primitive that it disgusts people. At the same time, all people are selfish. It’s just that some of them skillfully disguise their egoism, while others do not know how to do this, therefore they behave arrogantly and arrogantly, which deserves an appropriate attitude towards themselves. In general, thinking first of all about yourself and your interests is an absolutely normal desire and aspiration for a healthy person. But in order to properly relate to this manifestation of human nature, one must understand well the meaning of egoism. In this article, we will do just that - we will study egoism in order to properly understand it.
What is selfishness?
Selfishness is the preference of one's own interests over the interests of others. You can also say that selfishness is selfishness. Personally, I understand selfishness as the desire of a person to always do everything only for himself, without thinking about the desires, interests, needs and feelings of other people. A pronounced egoist is a kind of vacuum cleaner that sucks everything into itself, but gives nothing in return.
Primitive selfishness
Selfishness can be reasonable and the way most people imagine it, let's call such selfishness - primitive selfishness. Primitive egoism is immediately visible - the person demonstrating it clearly ignores the interests of others, always rows everything for himself, does not consider anyone, does not think about anyone, often adheres to a narcissistic model of behavior. It is unpleasant to be around such people, it is very difficult to cooperate with them, they sometimes cause great irritation. Most often, only those who do not have self-esteem communicate with them and therefore they allow themselves to be used. And self-respecting people, as a rule, shy away from pronounced egoists, because they see no point in communicating with them, unless such communication is somehow beneficial to them.
Primitive egoism is, in my understanding, childish egoism, since it is inherent psychologically and intellectually immature individuals. Such people are often completely unable to analyze their behavior and look at themselves from the outside. They openly seek to satisfy their desires and needs at the expense of other people, without thinking about how it looks in the eyes of others. And sometimes they are genuinely surprised at people's dissatisfaction with their overly selfish behavior, which they themselves seem to be quite normal. Sometimes there are such egoists spoiled by their parents who are firmly convinced that others should do everything for their happiness. And if this does not happen, then they fall either into depression or into a rage.
How do people become so selfish? Yes, it's very simple - they are born by them. Imagine a baby who is completely helpless and unable to take care of himself. He needs the help of adults to survive. When he needs something, he cries, thus attracting the attention of adults. We can say that he is an egoist who thinks only of himself. And he is like that because he has to think about himself in order to survive, and he is not capable of thinking about others. Growing up, the child becomes more independent and if he is brought up correctly, he develops his independence, reducing his dependence on other people. Thus, up to a certain age, a person is forced to think mainly only about himself, otherwise he simply will not be able to satisfy his basic needs. So we think about ourselves because we are not strong enough and smart enough to think about others. And as long as we are, selfishness in its primitive form is the only intuitive means for us to achieve our goals.
Reasonable selfishness
Developing, a person develops his egoism, which becomes less obvious and more sophisticated. In adult life, no one is in a hurry to satisfy the desires and needs of other people, without special need. Therefore, capricious and impudent behavior in it often turns out to be ineffective, and sometimes very harmful. As a result, a person's egoism changes - it becomes more sophisticated and thoughtful, unless, of course, the person himself gets smarter, and does not get stuck in his development at the teenage stage.
Sophisticated egoism is not an obvious, hidden egoism, when a person does not show others that he strives to do well for himself - he shows that he wants to do well for others, that he cares about everyone, and not just about himself. People like it, so they are more willing to cooperate with such a person and help him achieve his goals. And thoughtful egoism is when a person understands that in order to make himself feel good, he needs to think about other people. For without caring for others, it is impossible to properly take care of yourself. We all depend on each other, therefore, even if we don’t want to, we are forced to help each other. As a result, the egoist must think about the interests of the people around him in order to act according to the formula: you to me - I to you. Then he gains many friends, allies, partners, with the help of which he improves his life, simultaneously improving the life of most of them.
And in an even more mature form, egoism turns into deliberate altruism, this is when a person matures in order not only to take, but also to give. This makes it even stronger, because by giving [giving wisely], we receive more. The formula is very complicated, I will write about it separately someday, but the point is that a person’s strength multiplies as the scope of his responsibility expands. The ability to give and care for others is required quality for a good parent and for a leader who, by definition, must be responsible for other people, who in turn can give him great power and power. Therefore, a truly strong person simply cannot be a petty egoist, for whom the interests of others do not matter. Imagine a leader ancient tribe who thinks only of himself. With such a leader, the tribe may die, since there will be no one to take care of it, which means that the leader will lose his power. Or imagine parents who only think about themselves and don't think about their child at all. You understand what it is fraught with. That is why not every person is suitable for the role of a leader and for the role of a parent.
This is how selfishness becomes reasonable. It develops with the person. The smarter and stronger a person becomes, the more reasonable his egoism becomes. And the more reasonable the egoism of a person becomes, the more powerful the person himself becomes.
People who are intelligently selfish either always seek cooperation with other people or try to outsmart them in order to achieve their goal. But they never talk openly about their desires, do not behave arrogantly with those who are stronger than them, do not act up and do not complain if someone does not fulfill their desires. They look for workarounds to their goals, demonstrating to others the behavior that they, others, like. Where have you seen a politician who would tell everyone that he seeks power in order to improve his life, and not to make it better for all people? You have to be a complete moron to declare your desires like that. Reasonable egoists achieve their goals much more often than those who, guided by primitive egoism, rush ahead, striving to satisfy their needs and desires. Reasonable behavior is complicated behavior, the meaning of which is not always obvious. Therefore, it is more efficient.
The meaning of selfishness
Man must be selfish, whether he likes it or not. Even though living in a society, it is important to be able to cooperate with other people, for which it is necessary to take into account their interests, one's own interests should be higher than the public ones in the vast majority of cases. You can only sacrifice your interests only when it comes to the lives of children - our future, or the survival of humanity as a species. But in the vast majority of everyday situations, there is no point in thinking about others, to the detriment of one's own interests. Our whole life is a little less than entirely composed of a constant clash of different interests. We all want something and often our desires do not coincide with the desires of other people. Therefore, we have to somehow negotiate or compete with them, compete, be at enmity in order to survive and succeed in something. After all, we know perfectly well that all people cannot be rich or have power, and even cannot have the same standard of living. There will always be those who have more and who have more rights. People are unequal and cannot be equal, this is contrary to the principle of natural hierarchy, in which the strong live at the expense of the weak and use it for their own purposes. In nature, the strong eat the weak, simply because that's how nature works.
So, living in such a world, in such conditions, to expect that people will think about you more than about themselves means not understanding life and people at all.
I am sure that a person can come to caring for others only through caring for himself. This is in addition to those cases when it makes sense to sacrifice yourself and your interests for the sake of the future of people dear to you or humanity as a whole. And in everyday life, when a person does not have such a responsible choice, he needs to think first of all about himself and, thanks to the pursuit of his interests, learn to take into account the interests of other people.
So, the meaning of egoism is that a person, pursuing his own interests, at a certain stage of his development, begins to take into account the interests of other people. And not just take into account, but effectively respond to them. He can do it the better, the stronger he is. Because a strong person can take care of himself, which in any case needs to be done, and at the same time, his capabilities allow him to extend his care to others. A strong person can give other people a lot in order to get even more in return. And what can give other people a weak person who is not even able to take care of himself? Can he become a strong leader or a good parent? As a rule, no. However, many weak people neglect their own interests, for the sake of the interests of others, thus showing that they are not selfish. Why do they do this? They strive to help [they strive, but not always help] others, not because they are not selfish, but because they themselves need the help of other people, and to a much greater extent. They sacrifice their own interests for their own good, and not for the good of other people. Giving something to others, they expect to receive in return more than they gave, intuitively relying on the rule of reciprocity. Therefore, their altruism is only a special form of egoism, as one of the survival strategies.
selfishness and success
There is an opinion according to which selfishness is necessary to achieve success, for which sometimes you have to go over your head, thinking only about your own benefit and not considering anyone. This is too crude an understanding of the benefits of selfishness. Indeed, selfish people [and we are all moderately or without measure selfish] often succeed - substituting, betraying, using, deceiving other people, including those whom they knew well and who unconditionally trusted them. Meanness and deceit have always taken place in human society, and there is undoubtedly a benefit from them. But don't blame everything on selfishness. To go over the same heads, you yourself need to have a head on your shoulders, which prompts the egoist different ways to achieve his goals, and does not call him, as a primitive egoist - an aggressive insolent, being at the very bottom, spit on everyone and not to reckon with anyone. Often we learn about the deceit, meanness, cunning and selfishness of a person who used others to achieve success when he has already achieved this success and it is too late to try to prevent him. Until this moment, such an egoist can behave very nicely, so that no one will even think that this kind soul a person is able to substitute, use, deceive, betray someone, for the sake of his own selfish goals.
Some people, such as bandits or swindlers, express their selfishness through aggression, assertiveness, courage [often this is an unjustified risk], arrogance, cunning, manipulation. It is these qualities, and not the selfish attitude itself, that can allow them to succeed in their affairs. But this success is not always sustainable. Bandits, who are often secretly admired by the uneducated part of the population, expose themselves to unjustified risks in order to acquire some kind of resources and power. They act the way they do, simply because they do not know other, more sophisticated and less life-threatening methods of achieving success. They are no more selfish than, say, politicians who care about the people's welfare, it's just that their selfishness is expressed in the form of pronounced violence, and not in the form of a cunning that is thoroughly confusing to understand. It's dangerous to be a bandit, we all know that, so the life that bandits live has its price. Fraudsters, despite their ability to hide their true intentions, still often give themselves away by revealing the truth about their fraud to victims too quickly. This is because most scammers are short-sighted, short-term interests when they satisfy their selfish needs at the expense of other people - their victims. And so they are often punished by society for their deeds. So selfishness expressed in this way is not very useful. The success to which he is able to lead a person may not be long.
To achieve serious, stable success, it is necessary, even if you do not want to, to respect the interests of other people. Alone in the field is not a warrior, and in order to have allies, you must be able to involve other people in your affairs, which can only be done when you interest them in something. Rowing only for yourself and not taking into account anyone, you are more likely to make enemies for yourself, who, at any opportunity, will tear you to pieces. The egoist who betrayed everyone, framed, deceived, used to achieve success in something, is like Damocles, over whose head a sword hangs on a horsehair. Like any tyrant, he can at any moment become a victim of those on whose head he walked and those who hate him for it.
It is much more profitable to pursue your selfish interests by cooperating with many people on different conditions. This is the most The best way achieving your goals. Most successful people of the world are not selfish loners who don’t care about anyone, but good salespeople, competent diplomats, reliable partners and generous virtues who know that in order to achieve success you need to be able to share with others. No violence and no impudence will allow you to get the same return from people that you can get from working with them. Sometimes, however, this can be done with the help of deceit and manipulation, but then it should be such a deception that will not be revealed for a long time and from which many will benefit, and not just the deceiver himself. So you need to mask your egoism and dress it in a human form, so as not to cause resistance in people to their desire to achieve something. No reasonable egoist acts alone, betraying and substituting everyone in a row. Even if he is not going to take into account the interests of all people, wanting to achieve something, which for obvious reasons is impossible to do, then at least he has allies and friends with whom he takes into account to a certain extent and whose interests he takes into account no less than his own, for he understands that without this he cannot count on their help, support and devotion.
Let's recap. All people are selfish. Everyone's selfishness manifests itself in different ways, depending on the level of development of a particular person. The simpler a person, the more primitive his egoism. Clever egoists never stick out their egoism, showing everyone their disregard for the interests of others. On the contrary, they focus on the interests of other people, seeking to promote their own interests. This allows them to enlist the support of others in achieving their goals.
Egoism in a mature form turns into altruism. Strong people consider the interests of others because they can afford it. They do it disinterestedly. They are just strong and smart enough to think not only about themselves, but also about others and get even more benefit from it. Both responsible, loving, caring parents and real leaders are people whose selfishness has developed so much that now they want and can not only take, but also give. And when they give, they get much more.
Some weak people seek to help others because they themselves need help. They are selfish, although they behave altruistically, it’s just that their strategy for survival and achieving their goals is based on sacrificing their interests for the sake of others, counting on their reciprocal help, which weak people really need. And if you don’t understand what is the interest of another person who supposedly does something for you disinterestedly, then the whole point is precisely in your misunderstanding of his true intentions, and not his lack of selfish motives as such. True, sometimes some people, trying to please others, do not themselves understand why they do it, because they are not aware of their motives and in some cases cannot control them. This is a separate topic, which we will definitely discuss. Here it is important to understand that selfishness is part of our nature. It's okay to be selfish. Only the form of expression of egoism can be abnormal, from the point of view of its effectiveness.
There are also fanatics who can be altruists due to some of their beliefs. I did not touch on them in this article, since this is also a separate topic. However, I want to note that the belief of some people in certain things can be so strong that they can suppress their innate egoism to the detriment of their interests, and sometimes to the detriment of their lives, simply because they think it is right. To some extent, these people are also selfish, as they do something because they consider it right for themselves. It's just that their selfishness may not meet their real interests, it will only amuse their conceit and indulge their erroneous beliefs.
And the most important. In order to best achieve your goals, it is important to be able to disguise your selfishness as altruistic intentions and take into account interests in your plans as much as possible. more people, especially strong people, whose help and support may be of particular use to you. So your opportunities will expand significantly. Even if you are not one of the strong people who can take care not only of themselves, but also of others, which allows you to gain power, try to at least act as if you think about the interests of others, at least as much as about your own. . Remember that no one is interested in you with your desires, interests and needs. People think mostly only about themselves, which is natural. So they will meet you halfway only if you interest them in something, if you involve them in your plans, showing them that by helping you, they will get a lot.
The primitive egoist who thinks of no one and who does not give a damn about anyone is a loner who, at best, will achieve short-term insignificant success through arrogance, treachery, deceit and violence. And this success will be the shorter, the fewer people will be involved in it. And all because in this world you need to be able to share in order to have more friends and allies, and not enemies and envious people. That is why a reasonable egoist is a true leader and a good strategist who achieves success through cooperation with other people whose interests he considers [to a certain extent] in order to enlist their support and loyalty. Of course, his own interests are more important for him than the interests of other people, otherwise he would not be an egoist. However, he skillfully hides it. Such a person achieves success seriously and for a long time.
The word "egoist" in our society is considered abusive, because since childhood, that you can’t think only about yourself, but you need to share with others and give in. With age, the attitude that selfishness is bad becomes more and more strengthened in the mind of the child, because both parents and teachers tell him that respectable people take care of the needs and comfort of others and work for the good of society, and do not live by their own interests. Therefore, it is natural that the majority of adult men and women do not want to appear selfish in the eyes of society and often, to the detriment of their own interests, realize the desires of others.
Altruistic behavior, compliance and sacrificing one's own interests to please the needs of others are encouraged public opinion, therefore, many ordinary citizens are confident that selfishness is a character trait that needs to be eradicated. Meanwhile, more and more psychologists and psychotherapists are changing their minds towards egoism and claim that being an egoist is absolutely normal for every mentally healthy person. Connoisseurs human souls tend to think that people should not suppress their selfish aspirations and not sacrifice their own needs for the sake of others, but nevertheless, selfishness must be "reasonable". Let's try to figure out, in fact, selfishness - is it bad or good? And what is the difference between reasonable egoism and not reasonable?
Who are the egoists?
Before considering the question of whether selfishness is a bad or a good character trait, it is necessary to determine who the egoists are. The word in the dictionary egoism is interpreted as a character trait that forms a type of behavior in which a person is aimed at satisfying his own needs and needs and puts his own interests above the interests of others. That is, egoists are people who live as they want and do what they want, without taking into account the desires of others. Egoism in the common people is often confused with egocentrism, but in fact these concepts are not identical.
Egocentrism is characterized by a person's inability to perceive any opinion that differs from his point of view. Based on this definition, we can conclude that egocentrism can be inherent in an egoist, but not always, because many people who put their interests above the needs of others can still listen to others, perceive their arguments, admit mistakes and change their point of view.
Complete the opposite of selfishness is altruism - the willingness to do selfless acts for the benefit of other people, without taking into account personal interests and desires. Altruism and selfishness are, at first glance, complete opposites, but in fact both of these character traits are inherent in almost all people to one degree or another, since in some situations even the most kind and disinterested can behave selfishly, and in some cases they can even be selfish. capable of altruistic deeds.
Is selfishness good or bad?
Nature is designed in such a way that everything living beings are primarily guided by instincts aimed at survival and the preservation of the species, and this rule is no exception. Both animals and people instinctively strive to realize their own needs and are ready to compete with representatives of their own and other species for the right to possess resources. That's why selfishness is innate human nature,
since it is he who allows you to realize the needs associated with the provision of life and the establishment of one's own status in society.
However, people are a social species, and in isolation from society, the development of a person's personality is impossible. It was in order to make the living of each individual in society comfortable that the so-called social contracts were formed - unwritten rules and norms that regulate the interaction of members of society with each other. Altruism, mutual assistance, guardianship and protection of the weakest, and conflict resolution through compromise are important components of the social contract. in human society, as they provide a comfortable and safe life for each member of society individually.
Based on the foregoing, it becomes clear that selfish behavior is the norm for a person, however, each member of society must restrain his selfish impulses, to . And the most important thing for every person is to be able to find a balance between egoism and altruism in such a way as to be able to realize their needs and goals and at the same time not infringe on others.
Distortions in behavior, both in the direction of egoism and altruism, are always fraught with negative consequences for the individual.. A person who always adheres to a selfish line of behavior and infringes on the interests of others, sooner or later runs the risk of becoming an outcast in society and losing all friends and relatives, since no one will tolerate a notorious egoist for a long time. And people who are always ready to give up their own interests for the sake of others can very quickly turn out to be, as they will begin to use their kindness without giving anything in return. A prime example what excessive altruism leads to are women who are in relationships with tyrants, alcoholics and drug addicts. These women spend their time and vitality trying to please their partner and save him, but in the end they have only a crippled psyche and undermined physical health.
It's obvious that egoism is a necessary character trait for every person, since it is he who allows people to realize their needs, achieve your goals and find your happiness. But still, each person must behave in such a way that, while satisfying his desires, he does not infringe on other members of society. And it is this line of conduct modern psychologists called rational selfishness.
What is intelligent selfishness?
According to psychologists, reasonable egoism is such a strategy of behavior in which a person makes active efforts to self-development and achieve his goals, without prejudice to the interests of others and without coming into conflict with society. And the main differences between reasonable egoism and excessive are the following:
Reasonable egoism is an ideal balance between innate egoism and altruism acquired in the process of socialization. And more and more psychologists recommend that their clients develop precisely this strategy of behavior, and not deny their own egoism. According to experts, reasonable egoism is precisely the form of thinking and behavior that allows a person to live in harmony with himself and the world around him, realize his goals and find his place in society.